


What Now?

by undeniablysapphic



Category: Scott & Bailey
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Love Confessions, but also big rachel bailey character development, but it's worth it i promise, but there is pain, can be literal porn sometimes, idk how else to tag this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-09-07 12:57:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20309884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeniablysapphic/pseuds/undeniablysapphic
Summary: Rachel is sure what she wants, but she can't really have it. But maybe she can?Takes place during/after 3x02. Some of it is canon-compliant, but not everything is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since the drought has been real with this ship, I decided to give it a go to help out those who need it haha. First fic I've ever written seriously, so feedback is much appreciated!

Rachel sat there, drinking her champagne as she watched Sean dancing after their wedding. Sean was an absolute knobhead, to put it bluntly. But wearing a kilt to their wedding was beyond embarrassing. Without knickers. Then, her mom had to make a complete idiot of herself during karaoke. She sighed, taking one big gulp out of her glass, hoping the alcohol would make her forget one of the most embarrassing nights of her life. Along with having to deal with Dom being in prison for killing Nick.

_ Why did I have to go and marry him? I don’t even love him. _

Her thoughts are put aside when Gill comes up to her.

“I’m off,” she states.

Not taking a moment to hesitate, she gets up.

“Oh. Right. Thanks for coming,” she briefly says, taking Gill’s arms into her hands, planting a kiss on her right cheek.

Somewhere deep down, though, she wished it could be more.

“Thanks for asking me” 

Then, taking a brief pause,

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just…”

Looking into Rachel’s eyes, Gill can tell that something is on her mind.

“You’ve been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, haven’t you?”

They look into each others’ eyes and Rachel knows that Gill caught her bluff.

_ Shit, she can read me like an open book. I guess there’s another reason why she’s a DCI. _

She nods her head ‘yes’ as she quickly changes the subject.

“Oh, I never did say thanks properly for what you said at the hearing.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, not properly.”

“Well, it was all true.” 

Then, taking one quick breath, Gill changes the subject again.

“Listen, I hope you’ll be very happy together. You deserve something nice.”

Rachel’s heart skips a beat at that statement. But she knows that it probably doesn’t mean anything more. Even so, it makes her heart throb a bit more for her boss.

_ I’m not happy, I want you. Even if I shouldn’t want you. _

“Yeah, he’s nice. He’s very nice. He’s…”

They both look to the dance floor, where they see Sean flashing his arse to the guys behind him. Rachel closes her eyes, taking a sigh of embarrassment. That was one of the last things she wanted to see.

“A bit of a bloke,” Gill puts lightly.

“Yeah…Yeah.”

Gill looks at her, a smile on her face.

“See you Monday, first thing.”

Rachel forgets about Sean, smiling hard at her boss. It was probably the only time she has smiled all night and meant it.

“Can’t wait,” she says, eyes lighting up.

“You really did ought to go on honeymoon.”

Gill walks off as Rachel watched her go, giving Gill a lighthearted smile as she leaves. As soon as she’s out of her sight, her smile drops. She stares at the ground for a second, then goes back to looking at the dance floor. It hurt her seeing Gill leave, to be quite honest. She didn’t know how or when she fell for her, but the one thing she did know was that she looked absolutely stunning that night. The tight, silk dark green dress, sparkly blazer. It made Gill stand out, whether it be for the better or for the worst. 

_ I’m so fucked. Why can’t life be easy for once? And why Gill, out of all people? She’s not even into me, not like she would. I’m a train wreck. Why would anyone want to be with me? _

  


=========================================================================

“I should never have married him.”

Rachel looks at Janet with a sad and lost expression on her face, leaning against her car. It goes silent between them for a bit as Janet checks her watch, letting out a bored sigh. They look at each other for a brief moment before Janet looks down.

“So, what are you going to do now? Work it out or-”

“I don’t love him,” Rachel cuts in.

“Then why marry him if you don’t love him?”

“It was just like that shag I had with that one bloke, the one where I said I was Suzie; A distraction, something to help me not think about anything,” Rachel sighed, shaking her head.

“I know things were rough with your brother, the whole Nick Savage thing, but they’re both done with now, Rach. What other things would you not want to think about?”

Rachel sighs, giving off a frustrated smile. She lifts herself off of the car, looking down at her feet.

“What if I loved someone else? Someone I shouldn’t?”

“What do you mean, Rach?”

“I think I’m in love with Gill.”

Rachel is looking into Janet’s eyes now. Janet looks at her with wide eyes, then blinks away for a second to process what Rachel has just told her. It takes her a minute until she’s able to say something.

“When did you start feeling like this?”

“I don’t know, maybe Bristol? It’s hard to tell. But, I do know that I shouldn’t feel this way about her. She’s our boss, for God’s sake!”

She has tears forming at the ends of her eyes. Out of everything in the world to happen, why did she have to go and fall for her boss?

“I know I can’t have her for loads of reasons. She’s straight, I’m stupidly married, and to top it off she’s our boss,” Rachel cries, looking over at Janet, but she’s looking at her like she has something to say.

“What?” Rachel asks.

“Listen, Rach. If you’re not happy now, happy with Sean, what’s the point of living at all? If there’s anything I’ve learned about being stabbed, it’s that life is short and we must make the most of it.”

She looks at Rachel with sympathetic eyes, placing a hand on her cheek. Rachel leans into it, before lifting her head off of it.

“So, what now? What should I do?”

=========================================================================

Gill comes home after Rachel’s wedding, exhausted. And not because of the chaotic after party or seeing Pete shagging Rachel’s mother. But, exhausted due to the fact that she was seeing Rachel getting married to someone else.

_ Why does it bother me so much that she’s married now? She needs to be with someone, someone that’ll be good for her. Even if he is a bit of a bloke. _

She’s still thinking of the kiss on the cheek that Rachel gave her. Somehow, that was all it took to unhinge her. She tried not to let her feelings towards Rachel getting married to show, but they managed to front anyways. As she kicks off her shoes, she sighs, going into the kitchen to fetch a bottle of wine and a glass. When she pours herself a glass, she remembers the time in Bristol where they were alone in Rachel’s hotel room. Gill wanted to comfort Rachel after she told her about the dropped charges against Nick. She knew that she couldn’t, though. Even if she saw Rachel hurting. It killed her every time she saw her hurting and all she wanted to do was be by her side, helping her through it.

_ You’re an idiot if you think that you’re in love with your DC. It’s wrong to be anyways. She’s your subordinate officer and newly married. _

Gill takes her glass and moves to the couch, halfway sitting down and laying on it. She turns on the TV, but on a low enough volume that Sammy wouldn’t be woken up. But, it’s only there for background noise, and she finds herself zoning out. All that seems to be on her mind these days is her. Fighting tears, she takes a sip of her wine, leaning her head against the palm of her hand. Every time she sees her, it seems like everything stops for a moment. Even when she’s doing her thing, being Sherlock and all, she gets so lost in her compassion for what she does that sometimes she doesn’t even pick up on what she’s saying. Especially when she looks at her with those beautiful brown eyes, it’s like she gets lost in them. 

_ Why couldn’t I have fallen for someone else? Why does it have to be so hard? _

She hadn’t loved anyone since Dave and she wasn’t completely sure if she was ready to love again. To  _ be _ loved. To let down the fierce face that she shows at work every day. She laughs through her tears as she remembers Rachel’s nickname for her: Godzilla.

_ If only you knew why I am so hard on you, kid. _

All Gill wants for her is to succeed, for her to be her best self. But how can she tell her without telling her that she loves her?

Finishing off her glass of wine, she turns off the TV, puts the bottle away and sits the glass on the counter. Taking her purse upstairs to get ready to go to sleep, she checks the time on her phone: 2:37AM. 

_ It’ll be a miracle if I sleep tonight. _

She changes out of her dress and into a comfy t-shirt and shorts, immediately laying down on her bed. Gill had gotten used to sleeping alone for quite some time now, but tonight it felt emptier than usual. She quickly pushed that thought out of her mind, turning off her light.

_ Monday can’t come fast or slow enough. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension is real. Also jealous Rachel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's a bit OOC at all, but I just went with the direction I thought would be best for this. As always, feedback is much appreciated!

It was a frustrating few months and MIT had hardly any rest. Everyone hardly had any time to themselves and Rachel was so unhappy in her marriage, she began crashing at the office. After all, it was easier than going home after a long night then going back just mere hours later. She was just finding any way possible to avoid being with Sean. But, she heard Sammy was getting married and talked to Gill about it. Gill wasn’t too happy when Rachel went to congratulate her on it, but it seemed like Gill wasn’t too happy with her anyways. Or anyone, for that matter. Even so, Rachel can’t help but steal glances at Gill whenever she could.

_ I wonder if she’s okay. Why is she so angry at me all of the sudden? _

But, things had just gotten even more intense with Helen Bartlett confessing to Janet that she assisted her father with murdering other people. That and Rob Waddington coming onto MIT, taking over as DS. It was always something, you know? Always something new to adjust to. But, then Julie Dodson came onto the team as SIO and Rachel got jealous. Gill had hardly talked to her or spent any time with her since the wedding and now she’s going to be working closely with Julie.

_ I shouldn’t be this jealous. They’re working together to help solve this case, right? _

“Hey Rach, you okay? You’ve gone away for a bit,” Janet asks.

“Oh, um, yeah. I’m fine,” Rachel replies, coming back to the world.

“You sure?” Janet insists, looking at Rachel with worry in her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rachel says, nodding her head and licking her lips.

_ To tell the truth to you, Jan, I’m not. I can’t get her out of my mind and it’s driving me crazy. _

“Okay, well, if you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you, Jan.”

Janet nods to her, going back to work on her computer. Rachel glances over to Gill, but discovers that Gill is looking right back at her. She panics, looking back down at her monitor and trying not to blush. Biting her lip, she cautiously looks back up again in her direction, only to see Gill having a phone call.

_ Shit, I’ve just made it even more awkward than it already is. Get your shit together, Bailey! _

She leans back into her chair, taking a heavy sigh and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I’m going out for a fag, be back in a bit,” Rachel tells Janet, rushing out the door.

=========================================================================

As soon as Rachel gets out the door, she grabs her lighter and lights her cigarette. Taking a long drag, she begins breaking down in tears. Thankfully, no one else was around, so she could cry openly.

_ I can’t stand her being mad at me, or the thought of her being with someone else. _

With her head in her hands, she hears the door open. Quickly wiping away her tears, she looks to see who it is.

_ Great, the last person I want to see while crying my fucking eyes out. _

“You doing alright, kid?” Gill asks.

“Absolutely peachy,” Rachel says, sarcastically.

Gill comes up to her, not believing a word she’s saying.

“Why haven’t you talked to me since the wedding? Rachel demands, taking another drag.

“Well, you seemed like you didn’t want to be bothered. How’s married life treating you?” 

Rachel laughs at that question. How _ hasn’t _ it been treating her? She hates every moment she has with Sean, she hardly goes home to her own flat, and she’s sleeping at the office.

“Why do you care? Not like you’ve given a monkey’s about me lately, being all passive-aggressive and all,” Rachel retorted, turning away from Gill.

“Well, I’m not the one who has been sulking and being angry or distant whenever somebody tries to talk to her,” Gill replied, crossing her arms.

“ Okay, I’ll give you an answer, since you want one so bad. It has been utter shit. I’ve been crashing here to avoid it, but it makes me think of something else even more painful. But I know you wouldn’t get it,” Rachel says, starting to cry again.

“What exactly do you mean?”

At this point, all of the pent up frustration, anger, and sadness gets to Rachel.

“I don’t love him, Gill! I love you! And I know you don’t feel the same way about me because who would love me? My own parents didn’t even love me, neither did Nick. And I know Sean won’t love me for long, if he finds out how truly fucked up I am. But yeah, I love you. Is that the answer you were looking for?” Rachel sobbed, looking Gill straight in the eyes.

It goes silent between them and Rachel leans against the wall, glancing towards the end opposite of Gill. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to get herself grounded again. She looks back over at Gill, expecting to see her angry or confused, but instead she can’t read her face.

_ You’ve really done it this time, Bailey. She’s gonna transfer you to another syndicate and hate you for the rest of her life. _

“Did you mean every word you just said?” Gill stuttered, looking down.

“ Yeah...I’m sorry, boss. I understand if you don’t want me to work for you anymore but I really had to-”

“I love you too,” Gill declared, cutting in and looking at Rachel with tears in her eyes.

Rachel is taken aback by what Gill just said. It’s almost like she can’t believe it and she’s dreaming. But the thing she can’t believe the most is that Gill is almost crying. In all of her time working at MIT, she has never seen the woman be so emotional. Sure, she has expressed happiness for a job well done or anger towards someone who fucked up, but never anything close to sadness.

“Really?” 

“Yeah, kid. That’s why I’ve been so distant ever since the wedding.”

“But what about Dodson? You guys seem to have gotten real close lately. If anything, I see the way she is with you and I know that’s not how typical colleagues act around each other,” Rachel says, looking down at her feet.

“Nothing is going on between us. We’re just working together to nail down who all of these victims are that Helen assisted with killing. It’s a grueling task and one person can’t do it by themselves,” Gill reassures, lifting Rachel’s face up with her index finger so she can look at her.

“But I can’t do this, not just yet anyways,” Gill whispers, caressing Rachel’s face.

Rachel stares at Gill, intently. She uses one of her hands to hold the hand that Gill has placed on her face and squeezes it. Gill gives her a weak smile, withdrawing her hand as she begins to head back in.

“Work to do,” Gill says, glancing over at Rachel and then heading in.

Rachel can’t believe what just happened. She’s utterly speechless. Wiping the remaining tears off of her cheeks and putting out her cigarette, she goes back into the building and back to her desk.

“You positive everything is alright?” Janet asks, as Rachel sits back down at her desk.

“Yeah, completely fine,” Rachel says.

She looks back over to Gill’s office, finding her looking at her intently while on the phone.

_ Where do we go from here? _

Blinking back to her computer, she resumed her work for the next few hours.

=========================================================================

“See you tomorrow, Rach. Take care of yourself, alright?” Janet asked, pulling her purse over her shoulder as she starts to leave.

“Yeah, will do,” Rachel says, nodding at her as she heads off.

She smiles at Rachel as she heads out and Rachel watches her as she goes and takes that as a cue to leave as well. So, she goes by Gill’s office after she gathers her things. Knocking lightly at her door, she opens it.

“I’m off.”

“Alright, good night. See you tomorrow,” Gill says briefly, still looking down at the papers on her desk.

Rachel nods at her, starting to head out, but stopping in her tracks as she hears Gill starting to speak to her again.

“Would you want to come around to mine tomorrow night? After work, of course.” Gill suggests, taking off her glasses and looking at Rachel.

“Sure,” Rachel says, hesitating a little.

“Alright, I’ll look forward to it. Good night.”

“Night.”

Rachel is still looking at her when she goes back to working. She glances down, heading out the door and closing it behind her. She walks down the hall to the lift and takes it down, exiting it to get out of the building. As she gets into her car to head home, she gets a text. Looking down at it, it reads:

“I meant what I said, Gill.”

Sighing, she puts away her phone and drives off

_ I wonder what’s gonna happen tomorrow. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel takes a leap, while Gill comes to terms with her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been able to sleep because I keep getting more ideas for this lol. As always, feedback is appreciated!

Rachel gets into her flat, not really wanting to be there. Turning the key into her place, she opens the door. Lifting her head up, she sees Sean waiting on the couch.

_ Shit. _

“Hallelujah, nice to see you,” Sean says.

“Oh...Whatever,” Rachel sighs.

“Nice of you to pop in.”

_ Fucking hell. _

“Do you want to have this conversation or shall I just walk out again?” Rachel retorts.

Sean takes a bit of a pause, then takes a deep breath,

“How’s your witness?”

“Yeah she’s gonna be fine-”

“You know, I’ve not seen you for four, five days. All I’ve had is shitty, stupid texts,” he cuts in, standing up from the couch to approach Rachel.

“ “Oh I’ve had too much to drink. Oh, I’m stopping at Janet’s.” For four nights?” Sean yells.

“Basically...I’d like to know what’s going on,” he says, calming down a bit.

“Okay,” Rachel says, softly while looking at him.

“The thing is...This isn’t working,” she admits, shaking her head.

“And this isn’t your fault. This is...It’s mine, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault, I’m prepared to accept that. I’m not…”

She takes a moment to breathe, exhaling deeply.

“It’s not...I mean, it’s me. It’s all me. I’m nuts. I’m impossible. I just...I can’t live like this.”

Looking at him with a lost expression, she continues on.

“I love you to bits. Sean, you’re brilliant, you’re great. You’re the nicest man in the world, but I just can’t do  _ this _ , 24/7. I thought I could, but I can’t,” she states, lying through her teeth.

_ It’s nothing against you, Sean. I just love her and I can’t hide from it anymore. _

“No. No, I didn’t think I could. I didn’t…”

Rachel clutches her head in her hands for a moment, before taking them back down again.

“I didn’t think about it. Which I think is, um...Is...I can’t do this,” she stutters, shrugging her shoulders.

Sean is almost crying now, almost at a loss for words. He takes a few deep breaths, looking away from Rachel for a moment, before speaking again.

“What, specifically, is it you can’t do?” he demands.

“I want to be on my own,” Rachel says, fighting back tears unsuccessfully.

They’re both crying now and Sean has turned away from Rachel. Her hands are clasped together and she rubs one of her thumbs with the other.

=========================================================================

“This isn’t about you!” Rachel yells.

“But it is about me!”

“It’s not.”

“I’m here! I’m part of whatever’s happening inside your stupid brain! Because whatever you do affects me!” Sean shouts.

“I’ve messed up. I’m sorry. I should have...I’m a mess. And you deserve better,” she snaps back.

“But we’ve only been married five minutes.”

“It’s not your fault.”

_ It’s all completely my fault. My fault for falling for my boss, my fault for marrying you when I didn’t even want to. Everything about this is my fault and this wouldn’t have happened if I would’ve just not married you. _

“I just don’t get what’s going on inside your head,” he shouts back.

“I just...Can’t do this,” she says, calmly.

He sighs in disbelief, turning away and gesturing to somewhere far with his hand.

“I...I gave up my flat.”

He breathes heavily, more frustrated than Rachel is.

“You’re…” he seethes.

Then, getting closer to Rachel,

“What were you thinking walking down the aisle, saying the vows?”

“Nothing,” she says, almost like she’s empty inside.

“All the money we spent, eh?” he asks.

“I screwed up,” she admits.

The night goes on like that for what seems like hours and all Rachel could think about to get her through it was seeing Gill tomorrow. She had asked Sean for her flat back, but he argued that he wasn’t going anywhere. So, she decides to leave. She goes out to her car, Sean following her and yelling at her. 

“You mad bitch!” Sean shouts.

That’s the last thing she hears before driving over to Janet’s to stay for the night.

=========================================================================

Gill had gotten into the office at 6AM sharp, with hardly any sleep. First, the whole Beaven’s case, and now Rachel confessing to her that she loves her. She debated texting her again, but after not getting a response, she decided against it.

_ Have I pushed too soon? _

If she’s to be completely honest, she doesn’t want to think of it. Any of it. She was scared of it all. But, she knew that she had to act like the strong one because she was the boss. It reminded her of the time Janet got stabbed, how Rachel broke down when they got to the hospital. Things should’ve been clear, then. She has always had a weak spot for the girl, but she didn’t know just how serious it was until she saw her breaking down. That day, something in her changed. But, she didn’t want to face it. She had shoved that feeling so far back in her, just for it to resurface even more intense than before.

_ Bristol really did a number on ya, did it? _

Taking off her glasses, she looks out into the office: Rachel’s desk. She noticed that it was a bit disheveled, but that was typical Rachel. Smiling to herself, she sees one of her sweaters draped over her chair and goes over to it. But before she did anything, she checked the clock once more: 6:34AM. She sighs. No one would be here until 7 at the earliest. So, she takes a moment to feel the soft cotton of it, making sure not to move it too much. It was a nice shade of maroon.

_ She must have forgotten it leaving last night. Always forgetting something. _

Making her way back to her office, she glances back at it. Was she really ready to love again? Was this the best thing for Rachel? She remembers Rachel’s wedding night, where she said she deserved something nice. She wanted to be that “something nice,” but she wasn’t sure if she could be. Then, she heard her phone go off.

_ Who the bloody hell would that be at this hour? _

Her annoyance is immediately subsided by seeing who it was from: Rachel. Why was she texting her at this hour? She doesn’t even need to come in for another hour. She shrugs that off and checks it.

“I meant what I said, too. Can we talk later? I need to talk to you.”

She responds,

“Of course, kid.”

Her heart skips a beat. What was she supposed to do? She knew that Rachel was married and didn’t want to cross that line, but her heart had other plans. Internally, she was kicking herself in the arse for ever letting herself go this far. Not only did she confess her feelings to Rachel, but Rachel confessed to her. While she was married. Why did she even marry Sean in the first place? That’s the part that didn’t make sense to her. But, looking around, she decided that she had better start going on her work.

_ It never ends, does it? _

When she gets out the files, she hears someone walking in.

“Hiya, up early again, are we?” Julie remarks, looking at the files on Gill’s desk.

“Every day, Slap. You know that,” Gill says, not looking up from her desk.

Julie looks over at Gill, noticing something is up. She sits down at one of the chairs in front of her desk, which forces Gill to look up at her.

“You doing okay? You’ve been a bit odd the last few days,” Julie asks.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Gill lies.

“I’m not buying that. Really, what’s up?”

Gill takes off her glasses, looking at Julie. She’s tired. Tired of hiding how she feels. So, she decides to take a leap.

“I’ve fallen for somebody.”

“Oh, who’s the lucky fella?” Julie purrs, smiling at Gill

“Not a fella, but rather a woman. The whole situation is complicated, so it’s shit right now.”

Julie blinks, but then smiles hard, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Oh, so Murray is into chicks now? That’s a new one. Who is she? And why is it complicated?” Julie asks, genuinely curious.

“It’s not important,” Gill voiced, looking back down at her desk.

“Oh but it is if it’s affecting you this much. It can’t be that bad, can it?”

Julie leans in a bit, trying to make sure Gill talks to her. Gill looks back up again and folds her hands.

“Rachel. There. Happy now?” Gill says, leaning back into her chair.

To say that Julie was surprised would be a lie. Instead, the pieces all come together in her mind and her face drops.

“I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t know. The way you talk about her and the way you act around her gives it all away. What are you gonna do? She’s married,” Julie questions, looking at Gill with concern in her eyes.

“She said that she loved me, too,” Gill sighs.

Now that’s something you’d see on a typical soap: Boss in love with their employee, employee is married, but also in love with them. Julie really feels for Gill. She has been in a similar situation before.

“Well, that’s a tough situation. What are you guys gonna do?”

“I don’t know, but I wish I knew.”

Julie turns around and sees Rachel and Janet enter the office. Julie looks back over at Gill, giving her a sympathetic smile, and heads out. Gill tries to go back to focusing on her work, but is cut off from doing so by Rachel knocking at her door.

“Come in,” Gill says.

Rachel enters, with two cups of coffee in her hand. She hands one to Gill.

“The people down at Starbucks messed up my order and fixed it, but gave me a free coffee for the inconvenience. Figured you’d appreciate it.”

Gill takes the coffee from her hands, blowing on it and taking a sip. Just the way she likes it. She smiles and puts it down on her desk.

“Thanks, kid. I do appreciate it,” Gill grins.

Rachel smiles back at Gill. She’s as stunning as ever, even this early in the morning and she wonders how Rachel looks when she wakes up in the morning. Especially looking at her with those beautiful brown eyes she has.

_ I bet she’s a piece of art, a masterpiece. _

Rachel nods at Gill as she heads out the door and Gill almost loses her cool. She looks at her coffee cup and notices the name on it: Gill <3. She smiles softly. Her day was already made, but nothing would prepare her for what would happen later.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get even more intense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally had a gay heart attack writing this and I hope the angst was worth it. I'm not ending here, though, so don't worry! There's still as much more to come as I can write/have ideas for. My plan for this is to go until the series end, so this should be a long one. I also, uh, had to change the rating of this soooooo yeah haha. As always, feedback is appreciated!

Rachel was stopping at the loo, just to take a bit of a breather after all the work she has done interviewing Joe. The dude was a complete, by the book, psychopath. He even tried to pin murders on his deceased wife. How fucked up is that? She looked at herself in the mirror, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. She was exhausted. Taking a step back and turning around to sit on the sink, she got out her phone and opened to her messages to Gill.

“Can you come by the toilets when you can? Something is really bugging me.”

She exhales heavily, resting her head against the wall. Closing her eyes, she tries to visualize Gill. Her short, brown, bobbed hair with her straight across bangs. Her sharp jawline. Her small, but assertive figure. But, then Rachel got to her eyes. They were a lovely hazel that looked like a beautiful forest, a forest she likes to get lost in.

“Hey, kid. You alright?” Gill asks, an expression of worry showing in her face.

_ Nice, I got a perfect score. _

Rachel smiles, weakly. Part of her was alright, but the other part wasn’t. She got down from the sink, approaching her.

“I told Sean that I couldn’t do it anymore and I’ve been staying at Janet’s. He refused to move out, so I just left him there.”

Looking at Gill, she bites her lower lip and shoves her hands into her pockets. But, Gill comes in closer and takes one of her hands out of her pockets, holding it for a few. They don’t want to go any further because they’re in the office, but they both know what they want to do. Looking into Gill’s eyes, she has this somber expression.

“So, you really want to do this?” Gill asks, squeezing her hand.

“More than anything,” Rachel expresses, squeezing Gill’s hand back.

They both let go of each other, trying not to seem too obvious if someone would walk in. They both smile at each other, love in their eyes. Rachel hadn’t been this close to Gill, but it was killing her. The longer they stayed like that, the more she glanced down at her lips. But, she knows that they can’t. Not there, not yet. So, she takes a step back and takes a breath of air.

“Are we still on for tonight?” Rachel asks, trying to break the tension a little bit.

“Yeah, of course,” Gill answers, taking the cue.

“Good, can’t wait,” Rachel beamed.

Gill smiles at Rachel, before saying,

“You might want to go out first. I’ll wait a bit.”

“Yeah, good idea.”

Rachel starts for the door, grazing Gill’s hand as she passes by. She glances at Gill behind her, before exiting, trying not to show her happiness out in the hall. No one should know about them, at least not yet. Not until she divorces Sean.

_ God, I love her. _

=========================================================================

After a long day, Julie proposed drinks. Everyone agreed to go and Rachel could use a drink. Gill was going to be there, too, so that was a plus. But, who she didn’t expect to see was her mother and Sean there. Her face dropped and she exited the pub, with Sean hot on her trail.

“This had better be good. Bringing my bloody mother?” Rachel spats.

“I didn’t bring her. She was here. I didn’t want her here,” Sean says, confused.

“You just turned up and she was already here?” Rachel said, annoyed.

“Yeah,” Sean put.

“I don’t believe you.”

_ My day had just gotten better, and now I see two people I haven’t wanted to see. Great luck. _

“Well, whatever, it’s irrelevant. Look, I’m not stopping. I just wanted to say...I know you’re mad. You are mad, but-”

Rachel turns away to leave, but Sean grabs one of her arms so she faces him.

“But, look, I’m not prepared to accept that this can possibly have gone so wrong so quickly, because it hasn’t.”

He takes a moment to breathe.

“It’s all in your head. You’re feeling trapped and you don’t need to.”

Rachel shakes her head, looking down

_ Yes, I kind of do feel trapped because I’m in a marriage I hate and I want to be with her. But, I don’t feel trapped at the same time because I know what I want and I’m finding a way to get what I want. _

“And when you realize that…”

He’s at a loss for words for a bit, just sighing and looking concerned.

“Then, you’ll know where I’ll be. Just call me,” he finishes.

She shrugs at him, then he turns away and leaves. After he has gone off, she sighs and is almost crying. She decides to stay out for a bit to recollect herself and to think about what had just happened. But, soon after, she sees her mother stumbling out of the pub with a cigarette in her mouth. It’s obvious that she’s drunk because she’s struggling to zip her coat up, so Rachel approaches her.

“Do you want a lift home?” Rachel asks her, with a slightly frustrated look on her face.

“Oh! Hello love!” Sharon answers, almost laughing.

Rachel zips up her coat, while she’s struggling to not stumble.

“I’m driving you home,” Rachel declares.

She doesn’t get an answer or objection, only seeing her mother re-light her cigarette. Rachel looks at her, lost. She wonders how her mother got to be this way. So, she gets her into her car, and drives her home, making sure to put out her cigarette before they got into the car. Sharon is barely conscious when they make it back, so Rachel lifts her up to her feet, making sure to hold her while she walks up to the door, and unlocks it with the key in her mother’s pocket. She helps her up the stairs, takes off her coat and heels, and has her lie down on the bed. She’s out almost instantly. And that, there, makes Rachel cry. But, she remembers to leave a glass of water and some pain killers for her to take in the morning.

=========================================================================

She gets back to the pub and almost everyone is gone, including Gill.

_ Shit. _

But, she takes out her phone and rings her, explaining that she had to take her drunken mother home. Gill understands that and says that the invite over was still open. That stops her from crying for a bit and she drives over to Gill’s. As she gets to Gill’s, she parks in her driveway, waiting a bit before she decides to go in. She’s nervous. Utterly terrified. She had never been alone with Gill and even if she wanted to be alone with her, the anxiety of being close to her was strong. Even if she knew Gill’s feelings for her. She rings the bell and it takes mere seconds for Gill to open the door.

“Hey, kid,” she says, smiling.

But then, her smile falters as she sees that Rachel’s cheeks are damp.

“Can I come in?” Rachel asks, almost whispering.

“Of course,” Gill answers.

She gets in and Gill closes the door behind her. As soon as that door closes, they don’t know what to do with themselves. But, before she knew it, Gill was hugging her tightly. It takes her by surprise. But at the same time, she had needed it, and she hugged her tightly back. As soon as they break the hug, they’re mere inches away from each other and they look at each other in the eyes. Gill wipes the remaining tears from Rachel’s eyes with her thumb, then caresses her face. But, they break apart for a bit.

“Do you want to sit down while I make some tea? It’ll only be a few,” Gill asks.

“Sure, that would be lovely,” Rachel replies, nodding her head. 

It only takes Gill a minute before she’s back with the tea. She had prepared it prior to Rachel getting there.

_ She’s always one step ahead, but I love that about her. Always thinking about what’s next. _

Gill hands Rachel a cup and Rachel takes it, smiling at her. She takes a few sugar cubes and puts it in the tea, stirring it with the spoon Gill gave her with it, and then lays the spoon on the coffee table in front of them. 

“So, how’s your mum? Still a mess?” Gill asks, sitting down next to her.

“Yeah, unfortunately. It seems like I can’t get her out of my life. Every time something good happens, she pops up,” Rachel laments, taking a sip of her tea.

Gill frowns slightly, raising her eyebrows in sympathy for her and looks down at her cup.. She clearly sees that she brought up a very sensitive topic, so she decides to change it and puts her cup of tea on the table.

“What about Sean?”

Rachel sighs, leaning back into the couch and putting her cup on her lap. Then, sitting back up again, she looks at Gill.

“He thinks that I feel trapped. Not that I don’t, but it’s different when you’re in a marriage with someone that thinks you’ve got it all sorted. He thinks I’m perfect and that I have no flaws, that I’m just going through a rough spot, but only if he knew what baggage I have that makes it impossible for me to be with someone.”

She is looking down at her cup now, sitting forward, her hair draping down towards the ground. 

“You know, the thing is, if he knew what kind of situation I’m in, he would think very differently of me. The fact that I don’t love him and someone else would set him off and I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of confrontation yet,” Rachel expresses, frustrated, sitting her cup down on the table so hard, it knocks the spoon to the ground in front of them. 

Rachel goes to pick the spoon off the ground, while at the same time Gill goes down to reach it. Rachel grabs it, looking up at Gill and Gill looking up at her. Their noses are almost touching. They both sit up and Rachel puts the spoon back on the table. The look of love is in both of their eyes and Gill tucks Rachel’s hair behind her ear, going as slow as she can. Their bodies are instinctively getting closer to one another and Rachel brings a hand up to caress Gill’s face. They stay like that for a moment, both glancing at the other’s lips, until Rachel leans in and softly kisses her. It starts out slow, but then Rachel wraps her arms around Gill’s petite figure and Gill moving her hand to Rachel’s neck. The kiss gets more and more intense, tongues colliding while they held each other tighter. Rachel could swear that she was hearing Gill moan in her mouth. It wasn’t before long that Gill was on top of Rachel, starting to take her shirt off. Rachel happily obliges, feeling up Gill’s loose t-shirt. She’s not wearing a bra and that makes Rachel go even more crazy, so she takes it off of her while she catches her breath.

_ Just as perfect as I imagined her. _

It doesn’t take long before they’re sitting up, giving open mouthed kisses. Gill stands up, guiding her to the stairs so they can take things to bed. As they get into Gill’s bedroom, Gill shuts the door behind them and then shoves Rachel on the bed. She gets on top of her, kissing her hard, and moves down to her jaw with kisses. Rachel feels down her back, lightly scratching it as Gill moves to kiss her neck. She moans lightly, feeling down the curve of Gill’s back as she tries to take Gill’s shorts off. Gill takes one hand, assisting her, and takes them off, going to take off Rachel’s lacy black bra off. But, Gill sits up for a moment, taking in the glorious sight in front of her. She can’t believe that this is actually happening, but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t enjoy the moment. Finishing what she started, she takes off Rachel’s bra and kisses her, starting to slip her pants off after. Gill is starving for Rachel. All of her. So, she trails kisses down Rachel’s body until she gets to her legs. Spreading them, she looks up at Rachel. Rachel’s face is flushed to a rose color, and that alone makes Gill go crazy and go for it. She strips Rachel’s matching underwear and throws it to the side, immediately planting her mouth on Rachel. Rachel takes a sharp inhale, followed by a throaty moan. She has dreamt of this so many times and has gotten off, thinking about it. But, this time, it wasn’t a dream. At this point, Gill is expertly stroking her in all the right places, she’s on the verge of coming. She shoves Gill’s head closer to her.

“F-fuck, don’t stop,” Rachel moans.

And Gill doesn’t until Rachel is coming completely undone before her. It’s violent and her moans echoed off the walls. After she has come down, Gill comes back up and kisses her, having Rachel taste herself in Gill’s mouth. After they both stop, Gill lays beside Rachel and Rachel goes to face her. They both can hardly breathe, but Rachel starts softly crying.

“I love you, Gill,” she whispers.

“I love you too, Rachel,” Gill says, giving her a peck on the lips.

They stare at each other for the longest time before Gill speaks again.

“Would you like to stay over tonight?”

That’s not even a question for Rachel. It’s an automatic ‘yes’.

=========================================================================

Everyone is ecstatic. Joe, inadvertently, admitted to the murders he was trying to pin on his wife. That and with the murders he did confess to doing. And it was Rachel who nailed him down. She hadn’t mentioned  _ how _ they were murdered, but he had explained how they happened. In perfect detail.

“Well done, kid,” Gill said, smiling in front of everyone.

“Oh, I did nothing. I was in the right place at the right time. Which makes a change,” Rachel says, smiling and looking over at Gill.

They both smile at each other as Gill heads back into her office. Rachel goes back to her desk, sitting down in her chair. She’s the happiest she has ever been and, apparently, it shows.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Janet asks, raising an eyebrow.

“We finally got him!” Rachel says, half-way lying. She really was thrilled to have nailed him down.

_ But, more importantly, I finally got to show my feelings for Gill. _

“That all? You’re glowing, you know?” Janet teases.

“Yeah, yeah. Totally,” Rachel says, as she gets a text.

Looking down at her phone, she sees that Gill has sent her a message.

“Want to come back around tonight? I’d love to have you, x.”

She tries hard not to show her excitement, texting Gill back.

“Of course I do, x.”

She looks up towards Gill’s office, only to meet her eyes with that same love as the night before.

_ I’m really living a dream now. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens that forces Rachel to deal with her problems and take action. Gill opens up more than she ever has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the support!

As soon as Gill got back from the mortuary, she texted Rachel to ask her to meet her at the toilets. She smiled at herself, remembering the night before. She can’t believe her dream had become a reality. Rachel tasted _ so _good. As she rushed in, she saw Rachel sitting at her desk. Rachel heard her coming, so she looked behind her, a small grin going across her face. She nodded at Gill, answering her text. Getting up from her desk, Rachel made her way there. Janet was there, watching the whole thing go down and she furrowed her brow. She noticed that Gill, too, had this glow about her and she doubted that it was purely coincidental. Then she shook her head.

_Are they doing what I think they're doing?_

Gill sat her purse in her chair, hanging up her coat and heading towards the toilets.

“Be back in a sec, kids. Don’t do anything stupid,” Gill announces.

She opens the door, and sees Rachel leaning against the sink, looking up at her. Both of their faces light up the moment they see each other. Rachel sits up, guiding her to the handicapped stall, which Gill happily obliged to. They close the door behind then and before anyone knew it, Gill was pinning Rachel to the wall, kissing her. Then, they break away.

“I missed you too,” Rachel says, smiling and holding Gill close to her.

“You know I couldn’t stay away and I haven’t seen you all day, besides this morning of course,” Gill says in a sultry tone.

They both smile at the thought of that morning. Waking up, fully naked, next to each other. But, then they laugh because they nearly were nearly late due to them getting too distracted by each other. In other words, making out on every platform they could think of. They kissed one last time, breaking away to take in the other’s image.

“Better get back, don’t want to keep them waiting for a briefing,” Gill sighed, not wanting to leave.

“No, no we don’t. But, maybe they could stand another minute?” Rachel teases, leaning closer to her.

“You’re irresistible, but we really have to get back. As much as I don’t want to,” Gill teases back, giving her one last kiss.

They both exit together, starting to talk about the French case. What Gill saw at the mortuary, what Rachel found out from the nursing home, just to make them look not as suspicious. They both sit in their respective seats around the table and Gill pulls up the images she got. As Gill started talking, Rachel couldn’t help but stare at her and every time Gill stole a glance at Rachel, her heart would flutter. After the briefing, Janet pulls Rachel to the side.

“What’s up with you and Gill, huh?” Janet asks.

“Nothing, why?” Rachel lies.

“It’s not nothing,” Janet says, calling Rachel out on her bullshit.

Rachel purses her lips, looking around the office.

“Let’s not talk about this here,” Rachel says, walking down the hall.

Janet follows her and they exit into the ally. Rachel is standing with her back to Janet and Janet crosses her arms.

“Well?” Janet demands, lightly.

“I kissed her, and then we shagged after that,” Rachel admits.

“What? Rachel, you’re still married! You just need to officially end things with Sean if you’re not into him.”

“I know that, Janet, but I don’t even know where to start with him. “Hey Sean, I want a divorce because I’m in love with my boss.” Do you know how crazy that sounds?” Rachel expresses, raising her voice.

“Well you can’t just keep shagging her behind his back.”

Rachel leans against the brick wall, closing her eyes. She wished that Sean would understand, but he wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be so hard if he did understand. There’s nothing wrong with Sean, she admits that, but she simply doesn’t love him. At least, not in a way a married couple should. They should’ve just stayed friends.

“You’ve got to make a decision, Rach. Things can’t stay like this forever.”

She was right. She did. But, she wasn’t sure how to break it to Sean.

“Yeah, I know,” Rachel says, looking down.

=========================================================================

Rachel is walking to the pub with Gill after a job well done, meeting the rest of MIT inside. They’d be damned if they weren’t going to celebrate. But, before Rachel could get in, she gets a call and sees that it’s Sean.

_ Fucking hell, Sean. _

“Hiya,” she says, annoyed

“You didn’t ring me. I said to ring me,” he says, almost as annoyed.

“I know you did, so why are you ringing me?” she says, raising her voice slightly.

“To see if you’ve…-”

“What? Come to my senses?” she cuts in.

“No.”

“What then?”

It goes silent for a bit between them before Sean breaks the silence.

“I just wondered, you know, if you were up for being my missus this week, or if you’re still being mad?”

“Will you stop calling me mad? I’m not fucking mad! I tell you what is mad. It’s two people, saying words in front of other people and signing a book to say that they agree to be stuck together for life,” she shouts.

“Well, you didn’t think it was mad at the time,” he argues back.

She takes a moment to breathe, lip quivering in anger.

“If you say to a person to ring you, wait for them to ring you. And if you tell a person you’re giving them time, then give them some,” she says, hanging up on him.

She knows that she wants to get pissed, so she walks into the pub to get back with Gill. She has already ordered a bottle of wine and has poured Rachel a glass. Shrugging off Sean, she takes it. Soon after Rachel sits down with the gang at the table, Gill still standing at the bar, Janet comes in and they make fun of the email Rachel sent as her. But, she pays no mind to it and goes to talk to Pete. Rachel watches as Janet goes away, but then brings her attention back to the table and sees Gill glancing over at her.

_ God, she’s gorgeous. _

They both smile at each other, going back to listening to the guys. It seems like every time they go out for drinks, they always have some ridiculous story to tell. Everyone laughs at before Rachel knew it, she was already done with her first glass of wine. The night goes on and both Rachel and Gill have drank more alcohol than they intended to. 

“Hey, follow me,” Rachel purrs to Gill, guiding her away from the table.

Gill laughs, following her. They go outside to a nearby ally and Rachel pins Gill to the wall with searing kisses. Gill pushes one hand through Rachel’s hair, the other going up her shirt. They’re both, drunkenly, moaning into each other’s mouths and they need each other desperately.

“Wanna go somewhere?” Rachel suggests, laughing.

She doesn’t wait for a response before she’s tugging Gill along with her.

=========================================================================

Before they know it, they’re at Janet’s house and shagging their brains out. Their moans are echoing off of the walls and it startles Taisie. Janet comes back home after taking Pete to his mother’s and sees Taisie standing on their staircase.

“You should be in bed,” Janet says.

Taisie doesn’t answer, but she looks traumatized. 

“What are you doing?” Janet asks.

“I needed a wee,” Taisie answers, glancing up the stairs. 

Janet is just now hearing what’s going on.

_ Oh for fucks sake, Rachel. _

“Go to bed now, love. Now.”

Taisie runs to her room and Janet ascends the stairs. She gets up into the guest room, opens the door, and sees them naked and in bed with each other. 

“Get out. Both of you. Now,” Janet asserts, angry.

“Shit,” Rachel sighs.

They both descend the stairs as they redress themselves.

“Janet, I’m sorry,” Rachel apologizes.

“Get in my car,” Janet seethes.

Gill starts walking back down the street to the pub where she parked her car, while Janet and Rachel get into Janet’s car. 

“You are disgusting. Listen to me. You are disgusting, bringing Gill back over to mine to shag, with my family in the house. I’m even disappointed in her for not stopping you, given the situation. When will you finally end things with Sean? Your unhappy, shitty marriage isn’t my problem. Why did you have to bring it back to my place?”

They go on arguing and Rachel gets so angry at Janet, she leaves the car, not noticing that Gill had stayed behind. Rachel starts walking off, with Gill following her. When they get to the end of the street, Rachel loses her temper.

“This was all a mistake. I shouldn’t have brought you into this and I’m so fucking sorry for embarrassing you in front of Janet.”

She keeps taking deep breaths, but nothing is helping her calm down.

“You know, I’m sorry that I even fucked with this. With us. You don’t need someone like me in your life and I’m sure you could find someone else better.”

“But Rachel-” Gill says.

“Don’t! It’ll only make things harder,” Rachel shouts, sobbing.

“Rachel! I don’t give a shit how fucked up you think you are! I love you for _ you _! You’re not mad, you’re not a fuck up, you’re none of that! I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t love you because of those things. I’m the same way!” Gill shouts back, crying with her.

“No, Gill, you’re not like me. Not even close,” Rachel says, shaking her head.

“Why do you think I never married, or even dated, after Dave? After he chose that whore over me, I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought it was because I was so impossible to be with. He couldn’t stand me and my frequent mood changes. But I couldn’t tell him anything or let him in because I’m a disaster,” Gill says, crying harder.

She takes a few deep breaths before she continues.

“I’m strict with the people I love. That’s why I was always so hard on you, kid. All I want is the best for you and to be the happiest you can be. I don’t care about what flaws you have because to me, it doesn’t matter. And I know that _ now _, I’m prepared to put everything aside to love and be loved,” Gill stammers, pulling herself together.

They’re both just breathing heavily, looking at each other. It seems like an eternity that they’re like that, until Gill steps forward to get closer to Rachel.

“I love you, Rachel. All of you, not just the pretty bits,” she says, bringing a hand to Rachel’s face.

“I love you too, Gill. Not just the pretty bits, either.”

They come in for a tight embrace, dropping the tension in their shoulders. This _ might _be the push Rachel has needed to end things with Sean.

Rachel makes it back to the pub, meeting Sean there to end things. She told him about the guy she slept with, the one that called asking for Suzie, along with confessing that she shagged Gill and was in love with her. He was angry, so angry that his face was as red as a tomato. Rachel offered to let him stay at the flat until he got sorted, saying that she would stay at Alison’s, but he didn’t want to live there anymore. So, he leaves the pub to go pack his things and leave.

_ I should feel better now, but I don’t. Maybe in time, I’ll forgive myself for what I did to Sean. _

=========================================================================

Gill notices something is up with Rachel while looking at her the next day at the briefing. She hasn’t looked at her at all. But, for the time being, she doesn’t think about it too much. She needs to be focused on the case at hand. After it’s over, she texts Rachel.

“You alright, kid?”

“Talk about it later.”

She frowns and hopes she’s okay. Gill really loved Rachel and that was that. It worried her every time she was silent. That meant something was going on or she was in her head.

_ I hope you’re not beating yourself up too much, kid. _

She also notices a rift has formed between Janet and Rachel and she knew what it was about. Shaking her head, she realizes that it was her fault for not stopping things sooner. But somehow, Rachel always seems to bring out her adventurous side. The side she hasn’t seen since she was a teenager, hooking up with people. Rachel makes Gill feel alive and loved and that was a fact.

~~

As Janet and Rachel made their way back upstairs to the office, Rachel tells Janet that she has ended things with Sean.

“I used to be interested. I used to mind what happened to you. I used to want to protect you. I used to take pride in being the person that you trusted and didn’t need to attack and then you took the piss, comprehensively, and now I don’t give a monkey’s,” Janet put, bluntly.

Janet left Rachel in the stairwell, going back to the office. Rachel could tell that Janet was angry at her and she didn’t blame her. She’d be angry at herself too, not that she wasn’t. She should’ve not done that to her. Janet shouldn’t have been involved in her problems and wondered what she would have to do to get her to forgive her. Rachel shook her head as she went to meet her back at the office and when she got in, she caught Gill’s attention. Gill got out her phone, waving it to signal that she was going to send her something.

“Do you need to talk now?”

Rachel looked over at her, nodding her head. She placed her stuff on her desk and made it to their usual place: the toilets. Gill followed close behind her and they both made their way in.

“You’ve been distant, are you alright?” Gill asks, worry across her face.

“I- fuck. I ended things with Sean, he was obviously angry, and now Janet is mad at me for taking you back to her place. Not that I blame her, I don’t. Just, I wish I would’ve thought first before doing it.”

Rachel huffs, leaning her back against the wall. She had made not just a fool of herself, but of Gill as well.

“I’m sorry, Gill.”

Gill gets closer, grabbing one of Rachel’s hands.

“Hey, it’ll be okay, kid. Just give her some time and space. I’m sorry for not thinking, either. I really should’ve known better,” she says, squeezing her hand.

Rachel drops the tension in her shoulders, looking Gill in the eyes. Gill gives her a nod that says, “Everything will be okay” and brings her in for a hug. Rachel doesn’t respond for a bit, then slowly wraps her arms around Gill.

“I love you,” Gill whispers to her.

“I love you too,” Rachel whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to put Gill in Kevin's place in episode 3x06, because obviously this is a Rachel/Gill fic. That and it would make no sense for Rachel to shag Kevin, when she was in love with Gill so yeah. I went a bit outside of my comfort zone in this chapter, so it was a bit hard to write haha. *insert "As always, feedback is appreciated!" thing*


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get even worse for both Gill and Rachel. Janet is still angry at Rachel and it's starting to affect their work together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good lord, this is a mess. But I guess it fits with the story line of the actual show and I tried making it as accurate as I could, but I'm heavily sleep deprived and plan on taking a break from this fic on Sunday so I can give you guys the best I can give while well rested. I'll resume writing it on Monday, but until then, I'll be posting this chapter and chapter 7 within now and tomorrow. Thank you so much for the support, honestly. It makes things easier. As always, feedback is appreciated!

The day was going on as it usually does when Sean comes in, like a bat out of hell, and starts yelling at Gill in front of the whole office. Everyone backs up as he makes a beeline for Gill’s office and they don’t know what to make of it.

“You shagged my wife!” he yelled, pointing at Gill.

Rachel’s eyes go wide and she breaks in, backing Sean away from Gill.

“Hey, you back off of her! She doesn’t need this right now and you’re making a bloody scene!”

“I don’t care if I’m making a scene! I love you and  _ you _ shagged  _ her _ !”

He points over Rachel’s shoulder to Gill, who’s just standing there with wide eyes.

“ How could you do this to me? We’re married, Rachel! Or have you forgotten that?”

“Yeah, well I don’t love you Sean! I love her!” she gestures behind her at Gill.

He about slaps Rachel in the face until Gill comes up in front of Sean, eyeing him down.

“Hey! I don’t care who you are or the relations you have with Rachel, but back off of my officer and get out of my office before you do something that’s considered a disciplinary offense!” Gill asserts, guarding Rachel.

He huffs, casting an angry glare at both of them, and stomps out. Everyone is stunned into silence.

“Alright, get back to work!” Gill demands, rushing into her office and giving Rachel a look that says that they need to talk. Rachel looks around at everyone, staring at her, then groans as she makes her way into Gill’s office. As soon as she shuts the door, she looks up at Gill and she has her Godzilla face on.

“What exactly did you tell him that made him come here, make a scene, and disrupt the environment of this office?” Gill asks, crossing her arms.

“I told him I shagged you and was in love with you, what else do you want me to say?” Rachel says, annoyed.

“Maybe you should’ve left the part out of us shagging! Rachel, now the entire office knows and I could get into some serious trouble, as well as you, for being a liability!”

Rachel crosses her arms, looking up at the ceiling. This week couldn’t have been more shit if it tried.

“First, you sleep with a barrister, you PNC his car, your brother kills said barrister, and now this. You’ve got to learn how to keep your personal and professional lives separate, even more now because of where we are. I love you kid, I really do, but I’m not going to stand by and watch you say things that shouldn’t be said or doing things that shouldn’t be done. If you really want us to work, you have to keep both lives separate.”

Rachel looks back at Gill and she can see the hurt in her eyes. Gill has an amazing reputation and there she goes, making a dent in it.

_ God, I’m so stupid. _

“Look, Gill, I’m sorry. I really am. But, everything you’ve just said is connected and this is the end of it. I’m divorcing Sean, not just to be with you, but to turn this page in my bloody awful life. You’re my fresh start on everything and yes, I do acknowledge that I should choose my words better, but I’m trying to make things better.”

Rachel is looking at Gill with a straight, serious face. She meant every word she said.

“I want you to get back to work,” Gill asserts, sitting down at her desk.

Rachel nods at her, exiting her office.

~~

Janet is looking in at Rachel talking to Gill, not knowing what to think of it. After all, she was the one that caught them. Rob comes up, offering her coffee, which she tries to decline many times. But, Rob asks if she’s okay and she just starts crying, admitting to him that she wasn’t okay. So, he asks her once again and she finally agrees. They go to a local restaurant and sit down, ordering their coffees. She tells Rob everything, how she caught them, how Taisie looked like she had seen a ghost, and how angry she was about that. She talked about how much Taisie admires Rachel and how Rachel, on her wedding night, was her lock screen on her phone.

“I don’t understand someone who’s so clever, so intuitive in the job can be so devoid of empathy elsewhere. It’s like that prank email she sent to you. How could she have thought, on any level, that I would find that funny?” Janet says, choking on her tears.

Rob sighs, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head. Then, he purses his lips.

“Have you fallen out before?” he asks.

Janet clicks her tongue, looking away.

“Not like this. Spats, specific things, but we’ve talked it through and sorted it out. What’s shocking about this is that I don’t want to and I don’t mind letting her know that. I’m actually being quite harsh and cruel with her, which I don’t even like. It’s not even like me. It’s actually…”

She’s at a loss for words for a brief moment.

“...pretty lonely and depressing in itself, but I-I literally can’t stop myself.”

“Well, chances are, in time, you’ll make it up,” Rob says, in a hopeful tone.

Then, he assumes that they’ve gone back a long way and Janet corrects him, saying that they don’t. They only go back about two years and explains how they were put together on a case, how they were brilliant together. She explains that there was a connection she mistook for a personal one, that she didn’t think there was one to begin with.

“I think  _ now _ I really know her. I don’t actually like Rachel,” she closes.

=========================================================================

Janet and Rachel are cross at each other when they go to arrest Deepak. After Rachel arrests him and asks a few questions, Janet says that she has wasted valuable PACE time and that those questions would be counted as an interview. But, Rachel got an address off of him. They went to that address and found Nick there, arresting him. As soon as they get back, Gill informs them that Kevin had been leaking information to the press about the Helen Bartlett case and says that he will be charged and suspended. She also told people not to have any contact with him and that if they had anything to say, her door was open or they could talk to Rob. Gill looked at Rachel as she said that. Then, Gill says to get back to work and everyone goes back to their desks.

“Can we talk, privately?” Rachel texts Gill.

Gill notices her phone goes off, but ignores it. She needs to be focused on the case at hand. Rachel leans back in her chair, looking at Gill, then leaves for a fag. She gets out the door and automatically breaks down. Now Gill even hates her. She missed the times where they were happy together, the times where Gill wasn’t Godzilla. She admits that she fucked up, but it sucks that her fuck up possibly ruined what she and Gill had.

“What’s up, kid?” Gill asks, sneaking in while Rachel doesn’t notice.

_ We seem to keep meeting like this. _

Rachel turns around, lighting her cigarette and taking a drag. She exhales, sniffing.

“I love you, that’s what’s wrong and now you hate me, so there’s that. The one person in the world that I didn’t want to hate me. I can handle Janet being mad, but it’s a completely different story when it comes to you. But also, it seems like everyone at the moment hates me and I don’t know how to deal with it,” Rachel sobs.

“I don’t hate you, Rachel. Not the tiniest bit. But, we really have to be careful. People higher up wouldn’t understand our situation and I don’t think they ever will. I don’t care what the others at the office think, but we can’t let the higher ups think that our syndicate is anything less than top notch. You all are brilliant in your own ways and I don’t want to ruin it,” Gill says, intently looking at Rachel.

She takes a step towards Rachel, grabbing one hand.

“You talked about a fresh start, eh? How about starting it now, clean slate?”

Gill tucks a strand of Rachel’s hair behind her ear and Rachel looks at her, intently.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” Rachel says, smiling through her tears.

Gill smiles back at her, coming in for a kiss. It’s sweet, soft, and full of love. Gill is caressing Rachel’s face as she does so and even after they break the kiss, she’s still doing it.

“I love you, kid. If you’re truly serious about this fresh start, then I’d like to be with you after your divorce is filed. That is, if you’d like to be with me,” Gill offered.

“Of course I want to be with you. I’ve never loved someone like I love you, Gill.”

They both smile at each other and Gill kisses Rachel’s cheek.

“Janet will come around, just keep doing your work and things will be okay.”

Rachel nods her head, bringing Gill into a warm embrace. She put her head on Gill’s shoulder, shutting her eyes and trying to memorize how her body fits with Gill’s. She didn’t want to forget it. They let go after a minute of staying like that.

“Come on, let’s go back in,” Gill says, taking Rachel’s hand.

“Aren’t you worried about them seeing us like this?” Rachel asks.

“Not in the slightest. Might as well get them used to it,” Gill replies, smiling.

Rachel goes along with it, even if she’s nervous. But, she trusts Gill and that calms her down. They walk back in, hand in hand and everyone is staring at them. Rachel looks over at Gill as Gill looks at her too. It’s like no one else is in the room but them. They reach Gill’s office and Gill draws her hand away from Rachel, slowly. No one has the courage to say anything, so they silently go back to work. They both smile to themselves as they sit down as their respective desks and Gill gets out her phone.

“Want to stay over tonight? I’ve missed you, x.”

Rachel smiles, answering her back.

“I’d love to, x.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things seem to be looking up, at least that's what they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it. I figured it would be a good place to take a break, leave you guys with a cliffhanger. I love you all and I'll be back Monday with more, so see you then! As always, feedback is very appreciated!

Gill and Rachel are both watching Janet interviewing Deepak. Rachel is sitting in a chair in front of Gill, while Gill stands behind her watching it. Janet is brilliant at her job, to put it briefly.There’s a reason why she’s one of the primary interviewers on the team. Rachel misses talking to Janet and just hanging out with her in the ally. She misses how kind she was to her, before shit hit the fan.

_ What do I have to do to get her to talk to me again? _

Gill notices by the way Rachel’s sitting that she’s distressed, so she squeezes one of her shoulders to reassure her. Lee, sitting in with them, glances over and tries not to make it awkward. So, he focuses more on the interview. They all think the guy is a pushover and that he had been manipulated by Nick. Rachel thinks back at the time she was with Nick Savage. In a way, she felt like he manipulated her too. But, going through that experience she learned a lot. Like what a toxic relationship was like, how important honesty in a relationship is, and basically how it felt like to not be truly loved by a partner. She glances back at Gill, thinking about how glad she is that Gill was the opposite of what she had with Nick. Gill is upfront, she takes care of her, and she knows that she loves her because of the lengths she goes for her. Rachel is grateful, more than grateful to have Gill and she couldn’t have thought about being with someone better. She was convinced she was cursed, but then Gill came into her life and it instantly improved. Janet finishes interviewing Deepak and Rachel leaves the room, along with Gill. They head to their usual spot and once they’re in, they give each other a hug.

“I’ve filed for divorce, things should be getting put through soon,” Rachel says, pulling away.

“Did you now?” Gill says, raising her eyebrows.

Rachel smiles at Gill and they both know what this means for them.

“So, do you want to be with me?” Rachel asks, nervously.

Gill laughs, looking down while smiling. Then, looking back up at Rachel, she kisses her and wraps her arms around her. But it’s not a rough kiss, more like an “I’m so happy, I could explode” kind of kiss. Gill pulls back, still holding onto Rachel, looking into her eyes.

“Yes, I’d like that very much,” Gill says, sweetly.

They’re both smiling like idiots to each other and they kiss one last time.

“Well, I better get back, gotta interview that manipulative arse,” Rachel says, brushing Gill’s hair behind her ear.

“You probably should. I’ll come in and watch at some point. Hopefully, I won’t get too distracted by the absolutely gorgeous officer doing the interviewing,” Gill purrs, kissing Rachel on the cheek. 

Rachel kisses her cheek back, holding her hand. She holds it until she gets to the door, releasing it. They both are ecstatic.

“I love you,” Rachel says.

“I love you too, kid. See you later,” Gill replies, winking at Rachel.

Rachel leaves, grinning hard as she walks back down to the interrogation room.

_ She’s so perfect. _

=========================================================================

After work is over, Rachel and Gill both go back to Gill’s place. They’re both just throwing compliments at each other and laughing at the times where it was blatantly obvious they liked each other. But, they both feel that they got together at the right time. Sure, they went through hell before, but it seemed like whatever happened back then didn’t matter. They were together, they were happy, and they were going to take on the world together. They get back to Gill’s place and as soon as they get in, they’re kissing against the door. After they break away, they’re resting their foreheads against each other.

“You know, the first time I saw you and met you, I knew my life would change forever, “Gill says, lifting her head up to look at Rachel.

“How so?” Rachel replies, puzzled.

Gill sighs, caressing Rachel’s face.

“Something in me just clicked. Like a switch flipped. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.”

Gill is looking at Rachel like nothing else mattered in the world but her at that moment.

“And now look at you, you’ve grown into yourself. You’re one of the best young detectives out there. I remember the person you once were, that meek and scared woman I saw when you first joined MIT. That day you came into my office, saying you had made that leap, I saw the passion in you. At first, I thought of you as another Kevin, but with more emotional instability, but from that moment onward my mind was changed.”

Rachel is almost crying, but then she laughs as she remembers it all. Then, she takes Gill by the hand and guides her to the stairs.

“What are you doing?” Gill asks, slightly knowing Rachel’s plan.

“You’ll see,” Rachel replies, guiding her up the stairs.

They get up the stairs and into Gill’s bedroom. Sammy hardly stayed over there anymore since he had gotten engaged to Orla, so they were all alone and didn’t have to worry about making a disturbance. Rachel shuts the door behind them and then she turns around to face Gill. She approaches her and starts caressing her face. Then, she goes in for a kiss. A soft, sweet, kiss that showed how in love she was. She wanted to take this slow. Then, she sits Gill down on the bed.

“So that’s what you’re doing,” Gill flirts.

Rachel looks at her, love in her eyes, as she throws her coat to the ground and takes off her shirt. Gill is about to get up to kiss her, but Rachel stops her.

“Let me take care of you for once,” Rachel whispers, getting on top of her.

It’s unreal how that affects Gill and Rachel notices, going down to kiss her while unbuttoning her dress. Revealing the skin there, Rachel kisses Gill’s neck. A slight moan comes out of Gill and she wraps her arms around Rachel. Then, Rachel sits up, looking at Gill in that state.

“I can never get over how gorgeous you are,” she says.

After that, she goes back down to kiss her. Their mouths fit perfectly together, almost like a puzzle. Then, Rachel tugs down Gill’s dress and throws it to the side. She’s wearing a plain black bra, with black lace underwear. It’s a glorious sight for Rachel and she traces Gill’s body with one of her fingertips. That sends a shiver down Gill’s spine and her breath is taken away. Rachel takes off her pants and shoves one of her legs in between Gill’s legs. Gill takes a sharp inhale, followed by a little moan. They kiss again, Rachel rubbing her leg against Gill. Gill moans against Rachel’s mouth and Rachel smiles. All she wants is to take care of Gill. After all, she has taken care of Rachel for the longest time. She kisses Gill’s jaw, then down to her neck. She knows that the neck is a weak spot for her, so she makes sure she takes her time there. Taking one hand, she unclasps Gill’s bra and pushes it to the side. After doing so, she takes a nipple in her mouth and squeezes the other breast. Gill moans a little louder, starting to grind her hips on Rachel’s leg. Rachel can tell Gill needs her, so she descends down her body with kisses and spreads Gill’s legs. She kisses both of them intently, down her legs and back up to her thighs. As soon as she gets to Gill’s underwear, she kisses her mound and then down to where Gill needs her. She takes off the underwear, exposing Gill to herself. After seeing how wet she is for her, she puts her mouth on her. She starts out with gentle sucking, then she increases her pressure. Gill lets out a loud moan as Rachel does so, squeezing her eyes closed and throwing her head back. Rachel can’t get over how gorgeous Gill is and how much she loves her, so she takes one of Gill’s hands. Gill squeezes it, squeezing harder as Rachel went faster. Her tongue starts tracing Gill and Gill struggles to breathe. Rachel can tell she’s getting close, so she goes harder and faster. Her moans are bouncing off the walls and becoming breathier, more frequent. She shoves Rachel’s face closer to her, knowing that she’ll come. Rachel gets that and continues until she gives out one last, throaty moan. After she comes back down, Rachel kisses her way back up Gill’s body. Rachel gets to her face and notices the sad look in Gill’s face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Rachel coos, caressing Gill’s face.

“Nothing. I’ve just never felt so loved before,” Gill replies.

“Well, get used to it because I love you more than anything.”

They both smile at each other as Rachel gets up off of Gill, laying beside her. She kisses Gill’s hand and then her cheek.

“I’m truly in love with you,” she expresses, looking at Gill like nothing else matters but her.

Gill traces Rachel’s jaw with her index finger.

“I’m truly in love with you too.”

=========================================================================

The next day, Rachel is working at the office and Gill has the day off to prepare for Sammy’s engagement party. They both miss each other, but they both know that they have things to do. Gill had driven Rachel to work after they both got ready. Rachel decided to stay over at Gill’s because why the fuck not? They were together now and it didn’t matter if she went home at the end of the night. She smiles at that thought. They’re together. Actually together. And they’re happy, in love. Life couldn’t be better for Rachel. But, then Rob gets on her for not finishing a file when Janet and her had this deal that the case statement would be done at Friday lunchtime. They bicker about it, making it a bigger deal than it is.

“Uh, where’s Gill? Does anyone know where Gill is?” Rob asks, while on the phone.

“Home?” Janet assumes.

“Home, as far as we know.” he says, talking into the phone.

“Why?” Janet asks.

“Okay, hang on a second,” he stutters, then puts down the phone.

His brow is furrowed, then he says,

“MIT command. Member of the public rang 999, said she saw a woman in a car with a knife to her throat. Someone sitting in the back of the car. Took the registration number. It’s Gill’s.”

Then, he asks people to try to ring her and then let Sammy know what’s going on. Janet rings Sammy, asking if Gill is home. He says no, says that she went to the supermarket in Shaw and that she was supposed to be back already. Rachel frantically tries ringing Gill, but she doesn’t answer. Then, Janet discovers that the supermarket is only ten minutes away from Gill’s house and warns him that something might have happened to Gill.

Rachel is on the verge of tears. The one good thing to happen in her life was in danger. The woman she  _ loved _ was in danger. She walks over to Rob, still listening to what Janet was telling Sammy on the phone.

“They’ve activated the red center?” Rachel asks, starting to cry.

He hums as if he’s saying yes.

“Superintendent Dodson has gone in as the command,” he answers.

~~

Gill is at Costco, checking out with the stuff for Sammy’s party. She can’t get over the night before. In a way, Gill got a fresh start too. She’s actually with someone that’s in love with her. It’s a nice change of pace for her life. She rings Sammy, saying the stuff she bought and that she’d be home soon. She goes to put her trolley away after loading the stuff in the boot, not locking it before she did. A few cars away, Helen Bartlett comes out of her car. She’s obviously drunk and she makes her way to Gill’s car, getting in the back seat. Gill is still on the phone, so she doesn’t notice and she comes back to get in the car. She gets in the driver’s seat, not noticing Helen there because she is crouched down. As soon as Gill drives off and hits the first light, Helen takes a belt and ties it around Gill’s neck, taunting her with a knife. Gill is scared shitless and all she wants to do is be back home Rachel. She had just felt how it felt to have someone love her and now she’s going to potentially die. She was also worried about Sammy. He wouldn’t have a mother if she died.

_ I don’t want to die. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Top!Rachel am I right?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically 3x08, but with more feelings to it. Gill and Rachel finally understand how much they mean to one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and have decided to give you a very long chapter! It honestly feels like this is a carbon copy of 3x08, but with some extra moments/thoughts in there. I didn't want to split this episode into many chapters, so I settled on the main plot of it being in this chapter. I'm sure you guys will appreciate that lmao. As always, feedback is appreciated!

Julie is staring at the video feed, seeing Gill drive down the motorway. They’re tracking her with a red Vauxhall right behind her. She asks India 99 to zoom in on her car to see who is in there with her and they come to a conclusion that it’s a woman in there with her. Calling the office, Rob picks up and she asks him to send Rachel and Janet to the red center with her. Rachel asks about the statement, which Rob blows off at the moment. He says that the situation with Gill is more urgent and that she needs to go. She doesn’t complain, though. All she wants is for Gill to be okay. So, she and Janet head out to the car to head that way. It’s excruciatingly silent and awkward in the car, so Rachel begins asking Janet about who Janet thought was in the car with Gill.

“I mean who’d…”

Rachel sighs, looking around.

“Yeah, you’re right. Stupid question,” Rachel answers herself, already knowing what Janet would say.

“Who’d abduct her? You know as much as me,” Janet states, with a flat tone.

“Well, who wouldn’t abduct her? Number of evil gits she’s banged up,” Rachel asks.

Her mind is racing through every single possibility, trying to make sense of it all. At this point, so much shit has happened to her that she doesn’t know what to feel. But, she knew she couldn’t fall apart now. Gill was relying on her to keep it together so she could find out who abducted her and find out where they were going. It’s almost like she can hear Gill’s thoughts in her head, saying, “Come on, kid. I know you can do it,” and telepathically sending her love. But, all she wanted was for Gill to come back alive and well. She didn’t want anything happening to the love of her life. Yes, love of her  _ life _ . It all became clear to her the night before that she didn’t want to be with anyone but Gill.

“It’s a funny thing, but people don’t. They’ve generally enough demons of their own to bother with,” Janet says, bringing Rachel back to the present.

“Right, someone...Someone she interviewed when she was younger, someone from years ago? Someone she helped get sent down whenever and they’ve just got out and they’ve held a grudge against her all this time,” Rachel assumes.

“They’re not criminal masterminds, these people. Surely to God you know that by now.”

Rachel looks out the window, lost in thought in trying to figure out who it is.

“If it is personal, it’s more likely someone she’s pissed off recently, someone who hasn’t had time to get over it,” Janet continues.

“Well, like you said, when does she come face-to-face?” Rachel asks.

“She doesn’t. But she does do interviews on the telly sometimes. Anyone who was interested would know that she was the SIO.”

“And, anyway, anyone she’s pissed off recently has been sent down,” Rachel cuts in.

“Not if they haven’t gone to trial yet.”

“Anyone dangerous would be on remand,” Rachel finishes.

But then, it’s like a lightbulb has gone off in both of their heads. Both of their expressions drop and Rachel looks at Janet.”

“It’s Helen Bartlett,” Rachel states, knowing that Janet thinks the same.

They get to the red center and immediately go join Julie in watching the feed. It is, indeed, Helen in that car with Gill. Janet is taken aback from what she’s seeing. She didn’t take Helen to be the type to abduct anyone. But, Julie makes it clear to Janet that if she got Helen on the phone that she would be the one to talk to her. Julie knows that Helen has her phone on her, but knows that Gill’s had either been turned off or had been dumped. No one knows what Helen wants out of this, but Julie knows that Gill has her end of the situation taken care of. Rachel can’t believe what’s happening and she doesn’t want to. But, she knows that she needs to do as much as she can to get Gill out of there. She wouldn’t know what to do with herself if something were to happen to her.

_ She must be so frightened. I’d give anything for her to be here with me right now. _

Julie points out that the red Vauxhall in the video is them, along with the fact that they’re surrounded by firearms officers in two cars nearby. Rachel asks if Gill knows that they’re following her and Julie says that she doesn’t, her neck is too restrained from the belt to see. Her stomach sinks and can’t imagine how Gill must be feeling at that moment. 

“Is it worth getting someone from the green center to go and pick her girlfriend up? If we’re confident that it is Helen, she had a girlfriend Louise,” Janet asks, eyes still on the screen.

Julie nods, humming in understanding.

“She might know something about what’s going on inside her head,” Janet suggests.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Julie responds, turning around.

“Clive?” she asks, while he nods at her, getting on it.

Julie suggests that Janet should talk to Louise and Janet asks if it’s normal.

“No, not normally. But you’re gonna be the one talking to Helen, so if she does tell us anything useful, we might as well cut out the middle man,” Julie puts.

“Do you need me, ma’am?” Rachel asks.

“Yes. When Janet goes into the negotiation cell, I’ll need a runner. And I want two people who communicate well with each other. Well, who better than you two?”

Rachel and Janet are just standing awkwardly next to each other. They don’t want to bring up their dispute, but they don’t ignore the fact that they’re still not getting along.

~~

Gill is still driving for her life, while Helen opens up another can of lager in the back seat. Helen offers Gill some, but she declines, saying lager makes her fart. Helen laughs at that, saying that they wouldn’t want that. But, the tone changes fairly quickly.

“It might makes things easier, though, if you were a bit pissed. When the time comes. That’s what I’m doing, anyway. That’s my plan,” Helen says, taking multiple swigs.

“Well, until you share with me what the plan is, Helen, I’m afraid I’m in the dark,” Gill says, looking at her through her rearview mirror.

“Do you think anyone’s missed you?” Helen asks.

Gill doesn’t know what to make of that, but she knows that Rachel misses her. Her and Sammy. But, she doesn’t want to give Helen another vantage point in bringing up Rachel because she loves Rachel too much to bring her into this.

“I have no idea,” Gill puts, lost.

“What’ll happen when somebody does?”

“I don’t know,” Gill says, tears forming in her eyes.

Then Helen asks about if she doesn’t come home, what her son would think. She asks Gill what the name of her son is, but Gill doesn’t want Helen to know Sammy’s real name. So, Gill says that his name is John. Helen continues, asking Gill what “John” would do if she didn’t come home. Gill cries, still looking at the road ahead and says that she doesn’t know. That he probably wouldn’t notice if she was gone or not. 

“Why are you targeting me, Helen?” Gill demands, looking back at Helen in the midst of her crying.

“I saw you, on the news. After you persuaded the CPS to prosecute me.”

“I didn’t persuade-”

“You make recommendations.”

“I wasn’t even the Senior Investigating Officer on this one, I was just-”

“I was 13 years old. And I’m being vilified for something I was forced to do by a psychopath. And if it wasn’t for me coming forward, the world would have known nothing about what he’d done.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t-”

“I admitted what I’d done. It took me a bloody long time to do it, fair enough, but I did it. And this is the thanks I get? Well, fuck you! If you think I’m standing up in court to waste breath defending myself, just to get stared at and spat at and insulted. I’m not hanging around for that. I’ve had enough.”

Helen takes a few deep, shaky breaths. She’s fighting tears, but she brings herself back together.

“And someone...is coming with me. And that someone is you. And then they’re all going to realize that they made a mistake. Whoever it was. Whichever bunch of twats, including you, made this decision. So stop trying to wriggle off the hook! And next time, hopefully, hopefully, people are going to think very long, very hard about what they do to people!” Helen shouts, angry.

She takes a breath, then instructs Gill to come off at the next junction. Then, Gill asks about what she’s talking about, wanting to be clear that she understands what Helen means. She asks her if she’s talking about suicide and Helen says that she is. Then, she adds that she’s taking Gill with her. Gill is scared for her life, to put it lightly. All she wants is to be at home with Sammy, texting Rachel about that night, and just setting up for his party. She’s glad that she was able to confess her feelings to Rachel and even get together with her, but she doesn’t want this to be it. She had imagined so much more for them and she didn’t want any of it to be cut short.

_ If I die, I hope they both know how much I love them. _

=========================================================================

An hour has passed and Janet has discovered, from Louise, that Helen might be going to Flamborough Head. She explains that Helen had talked about wanting to go back there after her school trip there. But, they could never seem to find the time to do so. Rachel runs out to call Julie to tell her what they’ve found out, while Janet tells Louise that it would be best for Louise to call Helen, going against what Julie had said. Louise agrees to do so, but Janet cautions her not to scare Helen into doing anything that would hurt her or Gill. Meanwhile, Rachel is on the phone with Julie, explaining what they had learned.

_ Gill, I hope you know how hard we’re working to get you back here. We all need you.  _ ** _I _ ** _ need you. _

Rachel notes the sentimentality towards that place, as well as saying that that’s the sort of place where people go to commit suicide. Then, she asks why someone would abduct someone if they had the intention of doing that and Julie says that she might have it in her head to take Gill with her. They’re both on the verge of tears. Gill had been Julie’s best friend for ages, Rachel knew that, and Rachel loved her more than anything in the world. So, they were both on the same sort of playing field when it came to Gill.

Rachel calls again soon after, saying that Louise was willing to call Helen to break the fact that she’s surrounded. Then, after that goes hopefully well, Janet could take over as the negotiator.

“Perfect,” Julie exclaims.

~~

Helen is grazing her knife against the glass bottle she’s drinking out of, while Gill is crying as silently as she can. Helen notices it and stares at her.

“Why are you crying?” she asks.

“I’m not,” Gill retorts.

“It’s not much fun, is it?” 

Then, Helen takes a pause. She has a grim smile and she’s swaying back in forth with the car. She gets more and more drunk every second.

“Not being in control,” she continues.

Gill stares off for a bit before responding.

“Is that how you feel?” Gill asks, hoarsely.

She looks up at Helen in the rearview mirror.

“Is that how you feel, Helen? Not in control?”

“No.”

She’s trying so hard to keep the conversation going, as well as try to de-escalate the situation. The only way she can think of at the moment is to try to have an emotional breakthrough with Helen. Helen takes a big gulp out of the bottle she has, looking out the window.

“I feel the full of the joys of spring, me. Life’s just one big long cabaret, isn’t it, old chum?”

“No, it isn’t.”

Gill thinks of every time she has been with Rachel, every joyous time she has had with her. The air is tense, quiet for a few, until Gill speaks up again. 

“That’s not what you really think, is it? Not if the plan is to end it all.”

Helen scrapes the knife against the bottle, looking down and then back out the window.

“Shut up,” Helen puts, curtly.

Gill admits that she made a mistake and that she was sorry. Helen doesn’t buy it, saying that she’s just saying that, but Gill argues that she’s not. She explains what she has seen, that she has seen a lot, but then asserts that it wasn’t her decision. That things have to go to a jury and that for her sake, everyone will know that she isn’t guilty and that she’ll most likely get off on it. Helen gets erratic, saying that Gill is missing the point and “pissing in the wind.” Then, she explains her idea of driving off Flamborough Head and driving into the sea. 

“I’m not driving off Flamborough Head!” Gill shouts.

“You bloody are,” Helen says, calmly.

Then, Helen’s phone rings. She notices it’s Louise and answers it.

“It’s the lady wife,” she puts.

She answers, asking what she wants. Louise tells Helen that she has got to stop what she’s doing, to let Gill stop the car and to let her go. Helen goes silent, looking at Gill. It’s almost like Helen can’t believe that she knows what’s going on. 

“Where are you?” Helen asks.

“I’m in Manchester. This lady wants to talk to you.”

“What lady?”

“Janet. You know her.”

“Do I?”

Gill is trying to turn around so she can hear the phone better, but Helen comes up behind her with the knife.

“Keep your fucking foot down!” Helen whispers through her teeth, then putting the phone back close to her ear to hear Louise’s response.

“Yeah, you do. She spoke to you before, when…”

“When I was arrested?”

Louise begs Helen not to do this, that she’s sorry and that they can work something out. Helen tells Louise that she had her chance. She admits that she was struggling as well, but Helen says that she has to go and Louise says that she’s just going to make things worse for herself. But, before she can continue, Helen hangs up on her. 

=========================================================================

“Why aren’t we there yet?” Helen demands.

Gill asks what was going on, why Louise rang her, but Helen wasn’t giving her any answers. 

“Who said you could ask questions?” Helen expresses, staggering on her words.

The phone rings again as they see the sign for Flamborough. Gill states that she will get Helen to where she wants to go, but she won’t drive her into the sea. The last thing Gill wants is to die like that, or just die in general.

“Yeah, well, we’ll see about that.”

Helen answers, asking what Louise wants, but it’s Janet that talks. Janet asks what’s going on, but she denies Janet any answer like she did Gill. Janet pushes the question, also saying that Helen doesn’t seem like herself.

“Well, I may have had a few beers,” Helen confesses.

Janet keeps pushing to find out what’s going on, while Rachel sits there, knowing what’s going on.

_ The person I love might die, all because someone had a mental breakdown. _

Rachel is trying so hard to keep her composure, but the truth is that she isn’t sure how much more of it she can take. First, Nick, then her brother, then her brother murdering Nick, Sean, and now Gill might die. Life just liked to shit on her, didn’t it?

“Helen, you’ve got yourself into a situation and we need to find a way out of it,” Janet says, looking up at Louise.

Janet asks what’s worrying her, but Helen says that nothing worries her anymore. Then she asks what they can do to help her, but Helen isn’t having any more of it.

“You’re all tossers,” she insults, hanging up.

Rachel goes back to Julie, saying that Helen won’t cooperate with them.

_ Fucking hell Helen. _

She looks at where Gill is now and they’re closing in on the shoreline, then explains to Julie that whatever she’s going to do, she’s going to do it. 

=========================================================================

Gill and Helen make it to Flamborough Head while the firearms unit closes in on them. Gill parks near the lighthouse and switches the gear to park. She’s scared shitless.

“You do what you have to do, Helen. But I’m not driving into the sea,” Gill stammers, shaking.

She takes a pause to take a few, small breaths.

“If my son has to hear about how I died, it won’t be because I killed myself.”

Back at the red center, Julie tells Rachel to tell Janet to ring Helen again, let her know that they’re surrounded.

“And then what?” Rachel gets out, stuttering.

“What’s going to happen then is that I’ll be handing command over to firearms unit super,” Julie answers, putting her hands on her hips and looking at the screen.

Rachel is at a loss. Loss for words, loss for action, anything really. It’s now or never and she wants everyone to do this right.

_ I hope you’re doing well for yourself, Gill. _

“Go on,” Julie nudges.

Rachel walks away to tell Janet what Julie had just told her.

~~

Helen’s phone rings again while Gill is looking at her in the rearview mirror. She tells Gill to answer it, dropping the phone into her lap. She’s trembling hard, but manages to speak.

“It’s you they want to talk to.”

“I’m not talking to them.”

Gill looks down, breathing hard. She answers the phone.

“Hello?” She answers, voice shaking.

“Gill?” Janet asks.

“Janet,” she says past the knot in her throat.

“What’s going on?”

Gill is still, but still trembling hard with her shoulders stiff. Tears are threatening to pour down her face, but she’s trying her hardest not to panic.

_ I need you, Rachel. _

She takes a few deep breaths before answering.

“I’m with Helen Bartlett.”

“We know that.”

“She got a knife, she got a belt ‘round my neck. I’m fastened to the seat.”

Gill can hardly keep herself together anymore.

“Gill, she needs to know- You need to know that you’ve got two firearm units within 50 yards of you.”

She’s struggling to breathe at this point.

“Right,” Gill exhales.

She purses her lips in attempt to recollect herself, but it isn’t working.

“Are you alright?”

“I’ve been better.”

Janet presses on Gill that she wants her to let Helen know that they’re surrounded. She obliges, but Helen is starting to say something and she excuses herself from Janet.

“Sorry, Helen, you what?”

“I came here...once,” she sighs, out of it.

She leans back in the seat, looking at Gill.

“Did you?” Gill asks, almost whispering.

Helen lets out a breathy laugh then explains that she went there on a school trip. She explains everywhere they went, everything they did. Then, she expresses that she wanted to stay there. She goes on about it, but Gill puts herself back on the phone.

“Will you tell Sammy I love him if anything-”

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Janet reassures.

Rachel is there, hearing everything. She knows why Gill hadn’t mentioned her, but she desperately wanted to talk to her too. Looking at the voice receiver, she understands why she can’t. She wanted to let Gill know how much she loves her and how much she means to her, but she knows that she can’t.

_ I love you too, Gill. _

Helen asks who Sammy is and Gill says that it’s her son, that his name isn’t John and that she lied. 

“Why?” Helen asks.

“I don’t know.”

They talk about Sammy getting married, having children and all. Gill doesn’t know if he’ll want to have children, but she doesn’t want to push that on Helen. Then Janet explains to Gill that she needs to let Helen know that they’re surrounded. Gill takes the phone off her ear and begins telling Helen.

“Helen, I’m being informed to advise you that we’re surrounded by firearms officers,” she pronounces, saying it phrase by phrase.

She takes a second to breathe.

“So now might be a good time...Could still leave this place alive. And I promise you’ll get help and I will say, I  _ will _ say that I believe I made a mistake.”

Helen is crying, a tear going down her cheek. She goes to wipe it away, leaving some blood on her cheek.

“Helen?”

Helen glances away, then back at Gill.

“I don’t feel too good.”

“Helen, what have you done?”

She starts sobbing, while Janet demands to know what’s happening.

“Wow! This is what it feels like,” Helen says, eyes glazing over.

Gill’s eyes widen and she tries to look back at Helen, but the belt is restraining her too much.

“Helen?! Helen!” she yells.

Helen doesn’t respond and Gill goes into panic mode. She thinks that Helen has cut her wrists and she tells Janet that. Rachel rushes out to tell Julie.

“I can’t do anything!” Gill screams.

Janet tries to bring her down, but Gill demands for an ambulance. Rachel tells Julie and Julie tells everyone to move in to get Gill. 

“Get this fucking thing off me!” Gill screams.

After they get the belt out from around her neck and she rushes out, an officer asks if she’s okay.

“Course I’m not okay!”

She gets up, standing straight up and tries to catch her breath. Rachel tells Julie, who is almost crying, that she’s going to tell Janet. Julie agrees and Rachel heads off. She gets to Janet, telling her that Gill is okay and that she’s out. But, Janet is sitting there with her arms crossed.

“Are you okay?” Rachel asks her.

Janet nods, but Rachel asks her again. 

“I think so.”

They both stare at each other for a moment.

“Well done,” Rachel adds.

“I’m not sure I actually did anything.”

Then, Janet remembers Sammy and picks up her phone.

“I’ll ring the troops,” Rachel says, pulling out her phone and turning around.

But, before Rachel does that, she turns back around to face Janet.

“I love her, you know?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension is resolved and things are looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 9 after a wild period of time. Work has been really crazy and busy, plus dealing with general health issues. So, I've needed a few days to recover from it. Thank you guys so much for your patience and kind words! They really mean a lot! I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. As always, feedback is appreciated!

Rachel is looking at Janet, expecting her to say something or criticize her for confessing that she was in love with Gill. Sure, she had confessed that she  _ thought  _ that she was in love with her, but this time she had to clarify that she was truly in love with her. But, Janet just takes a heavy sigh and picks up the phone to ring Sammy to let him know that Gill is alright. 

_ Was this a bad time? _

She looks at Janet, taking that as a cue to continue ringing the troops to let them know that Gill is okay. But, Rachel really wanted to go to her and make sure that she’s really okay. After they both get done on the phone, they leave.

“I don’t know about you, but I could do justice to a cup of tea,” Rachel sighed.

Janet checks her watch.

“Sod that. I want a proper drink,” Janet responds.

They get to the pub, get their glasses of white wine, and sit down at a nearby table. It’s silent between them before Janet asks about Rachel’s mother, to which Rachel responds that she’s “much the same,” and asks Janet about hers. She has the same response as Rachel, but then she goes on to ask how Sean is. 

“Well, I don’t know,” Rachel puts, looking away for a second.

Then she goes on about how she hasn’t spoken to him, got a few shitty texts from his mother, etc. The kind of thing she was expecting to hear. Janet said that she was sorry about the marriage, but Rachel really wanted to clear the air about her being with Gill.

“You know how I said I loved Gill?”

Janet looks up at her and blinks twice before answering.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, that time we shagged at yours wasn’t the first time, definitely not the last either. I didn’t realize how much I loved her until today,” Rachel declares, looking Janet in the eyes.

Janet purses her lips, nodding her head. She doesn’t know what to think just yet. I mean, a DC with their DCI. It’s not necessarily bad or common, but knowing Rachel she knows that she has to be careful with Gill. The woman isn’t as strong as she thinks and Janet knows that after 20 years of friendship. Rachel notes the silence between them and asks when Janet is going to get over it, more specifically forgive her. Janet smiles, like an “are you kidding me?” smile. Then, Rachel goes on about Janet enjoying not talking to her and dealing with her, but Janet pushes that she hasn’t enjoyed any of it. She explains how much of a shit time she has had, then apologizes for her inappropriate reaction because it seemed like Rachel needed her at the time after all she has been through. There is still a bit of tension between the, so Rachel decides to change the subject.

“I applied for my sergeant’s exams again.”

Janet smiles at Rachel.

“Good. Good. Good for you.”

“I’m going to turn up this time and pass them,” Rachel clarifies.

“Good.”

They both chuckled, remembering the last time Rachel tried taking her exams. But, Rachel really feels bad about everything that has happened in between them lately.

“And I’m sorry.”

She looks at Janet with a sad expression, leaning forward in her chair.

“I am sorry, Janet, for what I did.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Janet expresses, accepting Rachel’s apology.

Janet’s phone vibrates and she checks it. She discovers that Helen Bartlett died on the way to the hospital, dead on arrival. They both reflect on the life she had and Janet said that sometimes, they make mistakes. Janet smiles at Rachel and that makes Rachel give her a wide smile back.

_ I’ve missed this. It’s nice to have my best friend back. _

“So, do you think they’re going to go ahead with this engagement party tonight?” Rachel asks. 

Janet scrunches her face up, looking around before she answers.

“Yeah, actually, knowing Gill. She’ll make a point of looking like she’s untouchable.”

They both laugh at that remark, but Rachel knows that it’ll just be her showing her Godzilla face. 

“I might crash it,” Rachel adds.

At that moment, Janet leans forward onto the table, closer to Rachel.

“Do you want to get back in the office and finish that statement for me?”

Janet takes a cheeky sip of her wine and Rachel gives a sigh, facing down at the table.

“Yeah, but I’ve got to do something first.”

=========================================================================

As Rachel heads down to Gill’s, she can’t help wondering how she’ll be once she gets there. She hopes that Gill isn’t too traumatized, but she wouldn’t blame her if she was. She gets into Gill’s driveway and out of her car, going up to ring the bell. As soon as she rings, the door opens. 

“Hey, kid,” Gill says, a bit more silent than usual.

“Hey. Can I come in?” Rachel asks, looking at Gill with her brow furrowed. 

Gill nods, letting Rachel in. Gill apologizes for the mess due to the preparation for the party, but Rachel doesn’t mind it at all. She’s used to a mess, after all. They get to the couch and before they can sit down, Gill has her arms wrapped tightly around Rachel. Rachel hugs her back before noticing that Gill is starting to cry. She takes her purse off of her shoulder, pushes Gill back for a second to sit down, and invites Gill to lay down on the couch and rest her head in her lap. Gill sniffs, following Rachel and once she lays her head down in Rachel’s lap, she cries even harder. Rachel runs her hand through Gill’s hair, hugging her with her free arm.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. Let it all out,” Rachel whispers.

She doesn’t know what to do for Gill, besides be there for her while she lets everything out. But, she thinks that that is the best thing for her right now. She keeps running her hand through Gill’s hair and that seems to calm her down a bit. After she calms down, Rachel makes Gill turn to face her. Wiping Gill’s tear-stained face, she tries not to cry herself.

_ I don’t want to make her even more upset than she is. _

Rachel has never seen Gill’s face so red, so swollen before. This is the first time she has actually seen Gill break down. But, she’s glad that Gill feels comfortable enough to let it all out in front of her.

“I love you,” Gill whimpers through her crying.

“I love you too,” Rachel responds with a sweet tone.

“No, really, I  _ love _ you. I knew I loved you before, but I didn’t know the gravity of it all until my life was on the line,” Gill stutters, tears still pouring down her face.

Rachel keeps wiping the tears off of Gill’s face, looking down at her with worry in her eyes.

“I  _ really _ love you, too. More than anybody I’ve ever loved or thought I loved,” Rachel responds, looking Gill in the eyes.

She can’t hold the tears back anymore, so she lets them out. After everything that has happened, she didn’t realize how much she needed a space to just let out her pain. It has been a traumatizing time for both of them, but more-so Gill. Rachel is beyond happy that Gill is okay, but it came with some realizations.

“I was scared when I was told that you had been abducted by her. I kept asking myself if you were going to be okay, if you were going to make it. Then I thought about how capable you were on taking care of yourself in those situations, but I still had that lingering worry about if you’d be truly alright. It made me realize that nothing about us was casual or just a fling. I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I love you, nor do I want to,” Rachel admits, letting down her walls and a few tears out.

Gill sits up from the couch and faces Rachel. She wipes Rachel’s tears away with her thumb, then keeps her hand on her face. They’re looking at each other like nothing else exists. Rachel gives Gill a weak smile, placing a hand on Gill’s thigh to caress it. Both of them are just glad to be in each other’s presence after the events on that day. Rachel brings Gill in for a hug, releasing the tension in her shoulders. They’re both exhausted from the day and crying, so they let out a deep sigh.

_ She’s here and she’s okay.  _

As much as Rachel hates it, she remembers the statement that she has to complete. Reeling herself back in from the hug, she takes Gill’s hand and looks down at it.

“I’ve got to go for a few, gotta complete a statement for Janet. But I’ll be here later,” Rachel puts, rubbing Gill’s thumb with hers.

“I understand. Do what you need to. I’ll be here,” Gill says, looking at Rachel’s face.

Rachel looks up to her and pushes her hair back, placing a kiss on her forehead. She collects her purse from beside the couch and heads for the door. Gill follows her and Rachel places her hand on the door knob. Before she opens it, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Then, she turns back to Gill and approaches her. Gill is looking intently at her, as Rachel is looking at her. They get closer, Gill placing a hand on Rachel’s cheek and tracing her lips with her thumb. Closing the gap, Gill removes her thumb and kisses Rachel softly. They both sigh into the kiss, letting it release the pain they both have had. Pulling away slowly, they rest their foreheads on each other’s. Then, Rachel lifts back up, looking at Gill. Smiling lightly, she heads for the door again and opens it. She looks back at Gill.

“I love you,” she says.

Gill smiles at her.

“I love you too.”

Rachel smiles back at her, heading out the door and closing it behind her. She really didn’t want to leave Gill, but she had promised Janet that the statement would be done for her. So, she gets into her car and drives back to the office. As she gets back, she notices that she’s the only one there.

_ Nice, less I have to focus on. This should be done in no time. _

She gets out what she needs to complete her work. Every so often, she checks the clock to see how much time is left before the party. Tapping her pen on her desk, she gets impatient to get done. All she wants is to go back to Gill.

=========================================================================

About an hour into the party, Rachel finally finishes the statement.

_ Thank God, now to see the love of my life. _

Her and Janet agreed to meet at the party, so she gets her stuff together and heads out the door and into her car. After a little while she pulls into Gill’s driveway and spots Janet, getting out of her car.

“Told ya I’d be here. Finished the statement, it’s on your desk,” Rachel says.

Janet laughs at her, nodding in approval. They both head in and find Mitch. They talk for a few before Dave pushes himself in. He’s obviously drunk, stumbling every step he takes. He suggests that they go up and check on Gill in her room, so they head up. Janet knocks on her door and opening it, asking if they can come in.

“Oh, hello,” Gill says, sitting up from her bed.

They both walk in, Rachel closing the door behind them.

“Dave sent us up to see if you’re alright,” Janet declares.

Gill looks at Janet like “seriously?” before she responds.

“Dave?”

“Someone thought you’d might be upset, so…”

“Dave? Has he not fallen over yet?” Gill asks.

Janet purses her lips, nodding at Gill.

“Heading that way.”

“I have plans myself,” Gill replies, gesturing over to the bottle of gin on her nightstand with her eyes.

Janet sits down on the bed while Gill props herself up against the headboard. 

“I’m here because you didn’t invite me, but I wanted to say hello,” Rachel says.

_ I don’t blame her for not inviting me, especially since she sent the invites before everything happened. She invited family, so it makes sense that I wasn’t. _

“You can crash my parties any time, kid,” Gill shared, smiling a little at Rachel. 

Rachel sits down beside Janet on the bed.

“Are you alright?” she asks. She wasn’t sure if anything had happened in the time between her leaving and now.

“Hell of a thing,” Gill responds with a straight face.

“Yeah.”

Gill takes a quick breath before continuing.

“Thought I’d had it, pretty much, at one stage. Of course it wouldn’t be the first time. Little bastard waved a gun in front of my face once, in Hulme. But this…”

She looks away, trying to recall it all. 

“She, um...I’ve never seen anyone actually die before.”

Janet and Rachel just look down, letting her speak and trying to imagine how that would be.

“I’ve seen more dead bodies than you’ve had embarrassing and inappropriate sexual encounters, but…”

Rachel lets out a laugh, Janet looking over at her with a cheeky smile on her face. 

“Yeah,” Rachel admits.

“Never seen anyone actually…”

Gill trails off, looking at Janet and Rachel. She squints her eyes.

“Are you two speaking?” she asks.

“Well, she finally apologized properly, so…” Janet says, raising her eyebrows.

“Me apologize? It was you that apologized,” Rachel contradicted.

“When?” Janet asks.

“This afternoon.”

“When?”

“She did,” Rachel says, looking at Gill and then back to Janet.

“When?” Janet asks again.

“When you said sorry.”

“When?”

“She did.”

Rachel looks at Gill, trying to get her to believe her.

“She’s lying,” Janet inserts.

“In the pub!” Rachel snaps back.

“What pub?” Gill asks, looking at them.

“We went to the Grapes,” Rachel answers.

“What were you doing in a pub in the middle of the afternoon? What do you think this is, Life On Mars?”

Rachel and Janet both laugh at that question and then it goes silent. They’re looking around at each other before Rachel breaks the silence.

“Gill, is it alright if I tell her? Now that we’re on good terms?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Gill replies.

Rachel gets up from the bed, joining Gill beside her and taking her hand. Janet just looks at them both, noting their hand holding.

“Gill and I are together, figured you probably should know,” Rachel admits, looking at Janet.

It doesn’t surprise Janet one bit, but she laughs at the remark.

“What?” Rachel asks.

“I’ve known you for 20 years Gill, how come I never knew that you were into girls? I mean, come on, you know about that gal I had in high school,” Janet asks, laughing a bit.

“Wait, what? You dated a girl in high school? How come you never told me this?” Rachel questions, raising her eyebrows at Janet.

“Never seemed to be the right time.”

They’re all chuckling to themselves before Janet continues.

“Well, I’m happy for you both. You guys deserve something nice in life and I believe that this might be that. Just be careful, you never know who would take it the wrong way.”

“Oh don’t worry, we’ve got that under control. As for that other part, as you said, never seemed to be the right time. At least, not until now,” Gill states, looking at Rachel and smiling.

They’re both glad that they officially opened up to Janet about their relationship. It’s a start to a happy future together and they’re glad they can trust Janet with it. 

“Now, Rach, you better not hurt her or I’m coming for your arse,” Janet puts, raising an eyebrow.

“Never in my dreams,” Rachel responds, shoving Janet’s knee.

Gill squeezes Rachel’s hand. Nothing in the world could come between them. Now, the next step would be to tell Julie the news. Gill already knows how that’s going to be like, but she’s not afraid. After everything that has happened, nothing of that sort scares her anymore. She loves Rachel and that's a fact.

_ Now, to look to the future. A brighter, better one. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give you all bisexual Janet lol, it's what you guys deserve.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A time for both of them to relax and celebrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it has been so long and I still don't quite have the time to write a full chapter, here's a short one that I hope you guys will like! This fic is honestly something that I update when I feel like and have the time for, so there's not really a set schedule for it. But, regardless, I hope you guys enjoy it! As always, feedback is appreciated!

Gill and Rachel were now a known couple around the office. It had been a few months since the Helen Bartlett incident and that pushed them to be open about their relationship. Julie wasn’t surprised at all. But she teased them both about it, pointing out every single gesture they made to each other. They both laughed every time, Gill always telling Julie to piss off, but it was all in good fun. Rachel and Janet also passed the promotions board, so everyone was excited about that.

“I’m so proud of you,” Gill beams, planting a kiss on Rachel’s lips.

Rachel had been staying over at Gill’s quite a lot. Sure, Gill had stayed over at Rachel’s a few times, but they both enjoyed it over at Gill’s more. They had both decided to celebrate Rachel passing, so they brought home some champagne.

“Thanks, babe,” Rachel purrs, giving Gill a kiss back.

They’re both sitting next to each other in their bed at Gill’s.  _ Their _ bed. It still made them both smile like idiots when they remember that they can share stuff now. Gill had asked Rachel to move in with her, but Rachel thought it was a bit too soon and that she wanted to take things slow. The last thing she wanted to do was to fuck it up.

“To my absolutely brilliant girlfriend,” Gill announces, raising her glass of champagne.

They both smile, clinking glasses together and taking a sip. Putting down their glasses, they turn to each other.

“I’m so grateful that you’re here,” Rachel says, in a more serious tone.

A look of worry goes across Gill’s face.

“What are you thinking about?” Gill asks.

Rachel shrugs, looking down and pursing her lips. 

“I just, uh...I’m grateful for every day that I have with you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Hey, kid, I’m okay. I’m not going anywhere if I can help it,” Gill reassures, taking Rachel’s hand in hers.

Rachel gives her a weak smile and laces her fingers with Gill’s. Then, Gill leans in towards Rachel, looking into her eyes quite amorously. 

“Let’s not think about that right now, just enjoy yourself,” Gill whispers.

Gill leans in and gives Rachel a kiss. It’s not the “let’s fuck” kind of kiss, though. It was the kind of kiss to show someone how much you love and care about them. They’re both hugging each other tight as their mouths move together. After a minute, they break away and Gill plants a kiss on Rachel’s forehead.

“Come on, I’ll run a bath. You need to relax,” Gill asserts, tugging Rachel off of the bed.

They get into the bathroom and Gill starts the bath and puts in a relaxing, lavender vanilla bath soap in. After that, she starts undressing Rachel. Rachel just lets it happen, releasing the tension in her body. Every garment of clothing Gill removes, she places kisses there. After Rachel is completely undressed, Gill gestures her to get in.

_ Bossy, even when we’re not at work. _

Rachel sits down in the bath with her legs crossed and Gill sits down on the floor next to it.

“Aren’t you gonna join me? It’s much better when you have someone else in here,” Rachel asks.

“If that’s what will make you happy and relax, I’ll be more than glad to join you,” Gill responds, taking off her blazer and unbuttoning the blouse underneath it.

Rachel watches intently as Gill undresses. Her beauty still takes her breath away and once Gill is completely undressed, she joins Rachel. She sits down next to Rachel and gestures her to come closer so she can wash her. Rachel obliges, scooting closer and turning her back to Gill. Gill lathers some soap in her hands, rubbing it into Rachel’s shoulders. She can feel the tension in her shoulders, so she tries to massage it away. After she’s done there, she moves down Rachel’s back.

_ You’re so tense all the time, kid. _

Every time Gill reached a knot and massaged it away, Rachel let out a groan of relief.

“God, I’ve needed this,” Rachel sighs.

“I know, love. I’ve got you,” Gill coos, turning Rachel towards her.

Gill gets some more soap in her hands and rubs it into Rachel’s chest, moving down to feel the build of her body. Then, she spreads it all over Rachel’s arms. Rachel is just watching Gill work her magic and Gill rinses Rachel off. 

“I love you,” Rachel says.

“I love you too, kid,” Gill responds, looking up at Rachel.

Rachel takes one of her hands out of the water and places it on Gill’s cheek. She caresses it with her thumb and tugs at Gill’s bottom lip. They come in for a brief kiss.

“Feeling better?” Gill asks, smiling at Rachel.

“Yeah, loads,” Rachel replies, smiling back at Gill.

Gill gets out, taking Rachel’s hand and guiding her out. They both grab towels out of the cupboard and dry off. After they’re completely dry, Gill tosses Rachel one of her loose t-shirts and some of the underwear Rachel had brought over a few days before. They both get dressed and climb into bed.

“Now, you’re going to sleep at a decent hour tonight,” Gill tells Rachel.

“Yes, boss,” Rachel sighs, slightly laughing.

“Oh piss off with the ‘boss’ thing!” Gill teases.

They both laugh to each other before Rachel gives Gill a little peck on the lips. Gill turns off the light on her nightstand and pulls the covers over her and Rachel.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Gill says, smiling at Rachel.

Rachel smiles at her back while Gill wraps her arms around her. 

“Night,” Rachel responds, wrapping one of her arms around Gill’s waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love soft, domestic bath time here.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gill is caught up in a bad situation, forcing her to hide the truth from Rachel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope you guys have been doing well. I'm finally here to give another chapter, so I hope you enjoy it. I'm planning on releasing another chapter by the end of the week, so stay tuned! As always, feedback is appreciated!

“I’m delighted to inform you that you have been selected to be our new sergeant.”

Janet looks at Gill, trying to absorb what she has just said. At first, she’s pleased. But then she thinks about it more and panics, face dropping.

“Can’t,” Janet puts, bluntly.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Gill asks.

Janet shakes her head.

“Sorry, timing’s not good.”

Gill furrows her brow, looking puzzled.

“Why?” 

“Uh...Home,” Janet hesitates.

A look of disbelief goes across Gill’s face.

“You went before the board yesterday. What’s happened?”

“Last night, I found out that everyone still needs more looking after than I realized and what they really don’t need is more change.”

“Who needs all this looking after?”

Janet looks down, taking in a deep breath.

“Well, um, Elise has decided to move in with Ade and Eleanor Goodhead and Taisie and my mum are in meltdown about being boring, left behind, rejected. So it doesn’t seem like a good time to be more absent than I already am.”

She looks up at Gill while Gill stares her straight in the eyes.

“Are you being a martyr?” Gill asks.

“No.”

“‘Cause that just gives you cancer.”

“Not aiming for that, either.”

“They’ll all calm down. They’ll get used to you being busier,” Gill persuades, shrugging her shoulders.

“I will be a sergeant one day, no question. Just not now,” Janet states, not giving in to Gill’s persuasion.

Janet takes another breath.

“It’s for my own satisfaction. They’ve nearly flown the coop, I’ve nearly done it. I just don’t want to mess up this last leg. I’m really sorry to mess you around,” Janet confesses.

“You’re not just scared of the challenge?” Gill questions.

“No.”

“You want more time to think about it?”

“No.”

They both look at each other for a moment, unsure what to do or say.

“Okay, listen, um...I was asked to choose between you and Rachel because you were, you  _ are _ , neck and neck on merit you’re just different animals. So what I’m going to do, in the light of this conversation, is, um, offer it to Rachel.” Gill states.

“Right.”

“Please don’t tell her that I offered it to you first. It won’t serve any purpose. The last thing she needs is to feel insecure about it, which, you know, she’s prone to at the best of times in spite of all the bluster so...What do you reckon?”

“Um, I won’t tell her.”

“Thank you.”

Janet nods to Gill, turning to get up to leave. But, she stops in her tracks and turns back around to Gill.

“I’m just wondering why you didn’t offer it to her in the first place, since you guys are together and all.” Janet questions.

Gill leans back in her chair, crossing her arms.

“The higher ups don’t know about us yet, besides Dodson but she couldn’t give a rat’s arse about it. We’re about ready to tell them, but I don’t want them assuming that I made her sergeant because we’re together. But, seeing as you’ve declined, I’ll have to pick up the pieces along the way to make sure this is done right. I don’t want this syndicate’s reputation to be ruined just because of our relationship,” Gill confesses.

Janet nods, understanding where Gill is coming from.

“But you must not tell her I offered it to you first. She won’t see the deeper meaning of it and will take it very personal. After all of the things that have happened in the past few months, insecurity isn’t what she needs,” Gill states.

“Understood,” Janet affirms.

They both nod to each other and Janet leaves Gill’s office. After Janet leaves, Gill closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

_ This is going to be harder than I anticipated. _

========================================================================

After Rachel briefs the rest of the team on how the home interview went, Gill calls Rachel into her office.

“What’s this about?” Rachel asks, sitting down in the chair opposite to Gill’s.

Gill sits down, a smile creeping across her face.

“You’re going to be our new sergeant,” Gill puts.

Rachel looks at Gill with a “wait, really?” expression. 

“Wow,” Rachel says, surprised.

“Are you pleased?”

Rachel is at a loss for words.

“Yes,” she answers.

“Good.”

Rachel looks down, a shocked smile across her face and lets out a little scoff.

“I didn’t expect that,” she confesses.

“Are you okay with staying here? They want continuity. It’s unusual,” Gill asks, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.”

“You have to conduct yourself differently as a sergeant. You just do. You’re going to have to try and do that in front of colleagues who know the old you very, very well. It won’t be easy.”

“Yeah, but…”

Rachel interrupts herself with a sigh.

“They do know the old me, good and bad. They’ve seen me be flaky but they’ve also seen me be really good at my job so if I went somewhere new, I’d have to prove myself anyway,” she continues.

“You have to prove yourself wherever you are,” Gill puts, bluntly.

“I know that,” Rachel says, a little bit too defensive.

“Don’t get defensive with me. I believe in you. That’s exactly the attitude you need to rein in. If you keep up the self-discipline as you seem to be doing, if you don’t let your personal life get ridiculous again, I know you’ll do brilliantly,” Gill affirms.

They both look at each other for a moment before Gill speaks again, looking out her window and leaning closer to Rachel.

“As long as we’re professional here at work, while being together, things will be fine. I just don’t want them to get the wrong impression.”

Rachel chuckles, nodding her head in understanding.

“Thank you,” Rachel says.

“Don’t let me down,” Gill states.

“I won’t.”

~~

Rachel goes to the toilets and starts crying in happiness. Her dreams were finally coming true. Then, Janet walks in and hears her.

“Rach?” Janet asks.

Rachel exits her stall and looks at Janet, playing with her bottom lip with her fingers.

“What’s up?” Janet questions.

“I’m going to be a sergeant here,” Rachel replies, sniffing.

“Well that’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Janet, it’s brilliant. Best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Rachel says, pulling herself together.

“Is it a bit much, then?”

Rachel sighs and Janet has a look of worry on her face.

“Yeah, it is a bit.”

“Oh,” Janet coos.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t you. I mean, I was convinced it would be because you’ve already been acting sergeant.”

“I’m glad it’s you. I’m fine,” Janet reassures.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“So, will they make you sergeant somewhere else?” Rachel asks, putting a hand behind her neck. 

“We’ll see, won’t we?”

“This is so big, Janet. It’s like I’ve been banging my head against this wall and someone’s just shoved a door open and said. “Come on in, step out of the shit and into the sunshine.””

They both laugh.

“I’m talking bollocks,” Rachel giggles.

“I liked it,” Janet remarks.

“Well, it’s a line in the sand.”

“Yes.”

“Chaos behind me.”

“Yep.”

“I am talking bollocks,” Rachel says, a bit more seriously.

“No, you’re not. You’re saying big, true things and when we say things like that, there’s always a risk that it’ll-”

“Sound like bollocks,” they both say in unison.

Rachel laughs and Janet just nods her head. Janet just looks at Rachel while her head is down, knowing the truth of the matter.

_ I wonder if she’ll ever know, or at least get some sort of implication that she wasn’t the first choice. If she ever finds out, I hope it won’t go too terribly between her and Gill. _

========================================================================

After a long day, Rachel and Gill finally make it back to Gill’s. The investigation on who killed Robin was progressing well and they had learned a lot from the interviews. But, they had another murder on their hands with the female body found in the boot of the car. Pete had asked if Gill thought the body was Mandy Sweetings and she brushed it off as a stupid hunch as quickly as he asked. But, none of that mattered now and Rachel and Gill were home together. They decided to celebrate, again, over Rachel’s promotion.

“Now we’ll be working closer together,” Rachel coos, tugging Gill shirt so Gill can get closer to her.

Gill smiles and takes the hint to kiss Rachel. They’re both grinning hard into the kiss and Rachel feels up Gill’s back. 

“Oh? So we’re in the mood tonight, eh?” Gill purrs.

“Yeah we are,” Rachel whispers in a sultry tone.

Rachel guides Gill up the stairs and into their room. They don’t even need to shut the door anymore since Sammy moved out with Orla, so they don’t waste a second closing it. Rachel pins Gill down on the bed and kisses her hard, moaning into it while she crawls on top. But, Gill whips herself around so she’s on top.

“You’re not trying to go for  _ my _ job now, are you?” Gill asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope, not at all,” Rachel answers, smiling at Gill.

Gill leans down to Rachel, an inch away from her face.

“Good,” Gill says softly, kissing Rachel.

Gill hastily removes Rachel’s blazer and shirt to reveal the skin underneath and starts kissing Rachel neck, lightly nibbling it every so often. A groan escapes Rachel’s mouth, vibrating throughout her entire body. She feels all the way up Gill’s back, pushing up her shirt as she does so and grabbing the hem of it.

“I want to feel you too,” Rachel says with a low, desperate voice.

Gill smiles mischievously, letting her take off her shirt. After Rachel has thrown it aside, Gill presses her lips to Rachel’s while she unzips Rachel’s pants. She shoves a hand down them to feel Rachel, how much she needs her, and starts lightly rubbing her through her knickers. Rachel moans into Gill’s mouth, hardly able to continue kissing her. Gill looks at Rachel, Rachel squeezing her eyes shut, and takes that as a cue to go even further. Kissing her way down Rachel’s body, she takes off Rachel’s pants and spreads her legs. Rachel looks down at Gill, biting her index finger. Gill looks back up to Rachel, taking in the sight, and bites her lip while lightly grazing Rachel’s center.

“Ah, come on, don’t be a tease,” Rachel hisses.

“Well, with that attitude, I’ll tease as much as I want,” Gill teases, grazing Rachel with the tips of her fingers.

Rachel struggles to breathe. She needs Gill more than she has ever needed her in her life. Gill kisses up and down Rachel’s long legs, watching Rachel’s reactions. She can see the desperation on Rachel’s face and goes to take her knickers off. After she takes them off, she kisses Rachel’s entrance and Rachel lets out a low moan. Gill can’t help but smile on Rachel.

_ Someone is needy tonight. _

She opens her mouth to suck on Rachel and Rachel takes a sharp inhale. Gill holds down Rachel’s thighs, preparing her for what’s to come next. She mazes her tongue through Rachel’s folds, dipping her tongue into her.

“Oh, fuck, like that,” Rachel moans.

Gill follows, pulling away for a few to lick her fingers. After they’re nice and wet, she slips one inside of Rachel. Gill looks up at Rachel, seeing that her eyes are firmly shut and Rachel lets out a sharp exhale. Then, Gill plants her mouth of Rachel’s clit, sucking it softly while she pumps her finger in and out of her. Rachel moans as Gill hits all of the right places, starting to grind her hips on Gill. As she does that, Gill puts in another finger and gestures up to Rachel’s G-spot. That drives Rachel even more crazy and she pushes Gill’s head closer to her. What started out agonizingly slow started to get faster and harder. Gill increased the pressure she had on Rachel’s clit and started pushing her fingers harder and faster into Rachel. 

“Sh-shit, don’t stop,” Rachel moans, almost yelling.

Gill starts to feel Rachel tighten around her fingers, so she goes the hardest she can into Rachel and sucks her harder. Rachel’s thighs start shaking and Gill uses her spare hand to hold one of them down. Rachel tightens the hand on Gill’s head into a fist, holding some of Gill’s hair with it and she begins to fall apart. Gill feels Rachel spasming around her fingers, starting to go slower and sucking softer until Rachel has come down from ecstacy. She pulls her fingers out of Rachel and licks the ejaculate off of them, going to lay down next to Rachel.

“Damn, you’re good,” Rachel exhales, panting.

“What can I say? I know how to please my woman,” Gill states, smirking at Rachel.

“God, I love you,” Rachel says, smiling.

“I love you too,” Gill says, smiling back.

They both sigh and Gill glances over to the clock on Rachel’s side of the bed: 1:39AM.

“We should probably get some sleep, got a long one tomorrow,” Gill says, propping her head up with her arm to look over at Rachel.

“Yeah, probably should. First day as sergeant, ya know?” Rachel replies, smirking at her own comment.

“Yep, big day tomorrow,” Gill says, smiling hard.

Gill gives Rachel a kiss then turns the light off, crawling under the covers. Rachel follows suit and turns her back to Gill so Gill can spoon her. Gill wraps her arms around Rachel, hugging her tight.

“Night,” Gill says.

“Night,” Rachel responds.

Rachel closes her eyes, but Gill doesn’t. It doesn’t take long for Rachel to go to sleep. Sex wears a girl out, you know? But, after she falls asleep, Gill gives her one last hug and withdraws herself. She turns over so she’s laying on her back and stares up at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath and exhaling it, she looks over at Rachel, peacefully sleeping. It meant the world to Gill to see Rachel so happy, but she feels bad about hiding what happened between her and Janet. 

_ It’s best that you don’t know, kid. _

She thinks about how she’s going to explain that to the higher ups after they come out about their relationship and she’s terrified. Terrified that her judgement won’t be trusted anymore and that they’ll see her syndicate as a joke, that she’s giving special treatment to Rachel and not paying attention to the cases at hand. She just knows that she has to play her cards right and everything will be fine.

_ At least, I hope so. _


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! It's been awhile! Good to get back to this because I've just been hella busy with life and health stuff. I've decided to go off canon a bit and just see where this takes me, along with shorter chapters because these long ones would take me hours to write and I don't have that time anymore. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this and as always, feedback is appreciated!

Rachel and Rob were not on the best terms, to put it lightly. She thought that Rob’s dad, Frankie, did a shit job of interviewing Gary Sweeting when they were trying to find out who killed Mandy. So, things weren’t exactly relaxed at work. Especially since Frankie had come in to talk to Gill about the original investigation. After all, they had found Mandy’s body and needed as much information as they could get. They discovered that Mandy was pregnant and that it was Gary’s brother, Antony’s, child. That made for a surprising turn of events. But then they started pinning the murder on Antony, doing exactly what the original investigation did and Gill called everybody out on it. Rachel had gone to investigate some potential freezers that Mandy’s body could’ve been frozen in, finding one, then finding out that the blood they saw was pig’s blood. But, they had it checked by the lab anyways and Rachel was awaiting a call from them.

“This afternoon, we managed to ANPR that van during those hours and we’ve got a sighting of it being driven between Antony’s house and a known fly-tipping spot 10 miles away in Whitworth,” Gill says, holding up a photo of said van to everyone at the table. They suspected that van of being the one used to transport Mandy’s body.

“They had storms a few weeks ago, up near Antony’s house. Did they lose power? Maybe that’s why now,” Rachel says, looking over at everyone.

Rachel’s phone starts buzzing and she looks down to see who it is.

“It’s the lab,” she says, rushing out of the room to answer it.

“That sighting of the van was at 1:00 in the morning and when we’ve cross-checked it, it turns out that one of the freezers we rounded up and housed was dumped at that said fly-tipping spot. So, it’s looking like we can possibly put Antony to that freezer. They’ve stripped it all out to run tests on it. If it turns out we can put-”

“Mandy Sweeting’s blood,” Rachel and Gill both say in unison, as Rachel comes back in the room.

Gill stops and turns around to listen.

“DNA deep in the body of that freezer. It had seeped through into the insides, workings, whatever,” Rachel finishes, giving off a smile.

Gill claps her hands together and gives out a relieved smile.

“Fabulous! Wonderful! Hallelujah! First thing tomorrow, we’ll be arresting Antony Sweeting on suspicion of murder. Could you draw up an interview strategy, please, Janet?”

“Certainly,” Janet agrees, smiling back.

Rachel and Gill steal a glance at each other, letting out a small smile to each other. They both know what this means.

========================================================================

After they got done with having a few drinks with everyone else, Rachel and Gill are driving back to Gill’s place and started talking about work, the things they want to do to each other, that kind of stuff. They’re both talking bollocks and laughing their arses off. Gill has clearly had more to drink than Rachel and it concerns Rachel a bit, but she tries not to mind it too much. After all, she decided to take the bye with wine by just having a glass so she could drive them home. That is, until Gill tells Rachel that she offered the sergeant’s job to Janet first.

_ Wait, what the fuck? _

Rachel stops dead in the middle of her laughing as she pulls up into Gill’s driveway. She doesn’t want to ruin the night, but at the same time she wonders why she hadn’t told her before. Why JANET hadn’t told her before. It had her questioning everything. She got out of the car, going over to the passenger side to help Gill out because she was absolutely hammered. 

“How about I take you to bed?” Gill purrs, looking at Rachel with lustful eyes.

“Babe, you’re drunk. What you need is not sex, but water and rest. We’ve got an early one tomorrow.”

“Oh, Rachel Bailey being a responsible adult? My, I  _ have  _ changed you, haven’t I?”

“Come on, let’s get these clothes off of you and get you in bed.”

Gill agrees with little hesitation and allows Rachel to unlock the door. Then, Rachel picks her up, bridal style, up the stairs and places her down on the bed, tearing her shoes off. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Janet, the sergeant’s job. I figured it’d be best that you didn’t know. You don’t need that in your life right now,” Gill sighs, eyes fluttering closed.

“It’s okay, Gill, just go to sleep,” Rachel whispers, placing a kiss on Gill’s cheek before she goes to fetch water and painkillers.

She walks into the kitchen and makes a glass of water, grabbing ibuprofen out of the cupboard. Before she opens the bottle to get a few out, she drops her hand down to the countertop, still holding it. Letting out a huge sigh, she lets a few tears escape.

_ Why didn’t she or Janet want to tell me? They, out of all people, should know that I’d understand better than that. _

Pulling herself together, she heads back up upstairs into their room and sees that Gill is passed out. Looking over at the clock, she notes the time: 2:14AM.

_ At least she’s sleeping at a somewhat good hour. _

After she sets the water and painkillers down on Gill’s nightstand, she changes into the pajamas Gill had lent her because hers were still in the washing machine and crawls into bed next to Gill. 

“Good night, I love you,” she whispers.

She turns off the light and wraps her arms around Gill, tightly. It was the only comforting thing to her right now, even if Gill had been hiding something from her.

_ What goes up, must come down, I guess. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Gill's drunken confession.

Gill is at the office the next day and notices that Rachel hasn’t really talked to her, or even texted her for that matter, all day. The little she has seen of Rachel was when she would pop in to give her some paperwork to look over, leaving after handing it to her.

_ What’s up with her? _

She doesn’t remember much from the night before, quite frankly. But, she hopes she didn’t say/do something that offended her. Getting out her phone, she sends her a quick message.

“Hey kid, you doing alright?”

Looking up at Rachel, sitting at her desk, she sees Rachel’s phone light up. Rachel glances over to it, but ignores it and looks over at Gill. Gill nods at Rachel, gesturing over to the toilets, and Rachel nods her head in agreement, making her way over there. They meet at the sinks and Rachel is just turned away from Gill.

“What’s up?” Gill asks, keeping her distance a bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me that I wasn’t the first choice for sergeant?” Rachel puts.

_ Oh shit, that’s what I said. _

Gill exhales, shaking her head. She fucked up.

“I didn’t want you to feel like you weren’t worthy or that I thought you weren’t good enough,” she admits.

“But why? I thought you knew me better than that. I wouldn’t think that way at all,” Rachel asserts, crossing her arms.

“I didn’t want anyone to take it the wrong way because we’re together. But also, it would be hard to explain, it  _ is _ going to be hard to explain, to the higher ups when we finally are out about who we are to each other. But seeing as Janet rejected the promotion, I had to choose you,” Gill confesses, looking at Rachel with a serious expression.

It finally clicks for Rachel.

_ Oh, so that’s why she didn’t tell me. _

“I just didn’t want to hurt you by telling you because God knows that’s the last thing I want to do to you,” Gill continues, furrowing her brow.

“Oh, Gill, I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this alone. I should’ve known better.”

She pulls Gill in for a hug, Gill sighing into her shoulder. It’s nice that Rachel didn’t completely flip out on her. She didn’t mean to tell her, but she’s kind of glad that she did. Even if it came out of a night of drinking.

“How about this, eh? When we get off, we go home and watch your favorite on the telly?” Rachel suggests, smiling at Gill.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea. I could go for some X-Files right now,” Gill responds, smiling back at Rachel.

She takes a step towards Rachel, pulling her down to her by the collar of her shirt, and moves her face close to Rachel’s ear.

“Maybe, while we’re doing that, we can try our hand at that one position you’ve been wanting to try out? The one where you’re on your knees, hands tied behind your back, and I’m taking you from behind?” Gill whispers, seductively.

Rachel raises her eyebrows, turning her face to meet Gill’s

“I’d be down for that.”

Gill takes Rachel in for a passionate kiss, wrapping her arms around Rachel’s tall and slim figure. Their tongues collide and teeth barely scrape each other. It’s a slow kiss, not rushed at all. They break away and Gill looks at Rachel, mischievously.

“Something to look forward to for after work,” Gill purrs, winking at Rachel.

“Definitely.”

Gill gives Rachel a kiss on the cheek and leaves, going back to her desk, smiling to herself.

_ That went better than expected. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I actually wrote more! If you liked this, pls let me know haha because it's hard to keep going sometimes.


End file.
